Parents disapprove of us living together

[Tally07]

My boyfriend and I have been together over 5 years now and we've been talking about buying a house for a year at least. We're at the stage where we can start looking, I'm 30 and he's 31. I am 100% committed to him as he is with me and I'm happiest when i'm with him.
We've never lived together before due to our long distance relationship, but now both our jobs are in the same city.

My parents are both religious and have very traditional views, they're against couples living together before marriage, against sex before marriage and keep saying if we break up it's so much harder to sort the house out without being married. I feel they have no faith in our relationship working out. I have said numerous times we will get married in the next year but right now our priority is getting on the property ladder and seeing more of each other.

I feel hurt they feel this way but also guilty of my decision to go against their values. I know i'm an adult and can make my own choices but my mum keeps throwing comments at me that make me feel bad. I don't understand why they're so against it, we've been together long enough to know we're making the right decision?

Sorry more of a rant than anything but I just wondered if anyone has been in the same position or with parents who don't want to share your happiness. I just feel extremely controlled as an adult by my parents views and I don't know how to break away from this.

I think by 30 years of age, you have to be able to say to your parents that they (or your Mum) needs to stop commenting and being negative if she wants to maintain a close relationship with you. That she and your Dad have their lives to make their decisions about, and now, this is your life, for you to make your own decisions about.
It isn't exactly as if you are rushing into this decision, after being in the relationship for five years.

Maybe try sitting with your mum and explaining that even though you respect her opinion, you need to make your own decisions based on what's right for you, just as I'm sure she's done for herself throughout her life. Hope it all goes ok for you.

I was in this position once - develop a deaf ear and a thick skin but don’t let it sour your relationship - it will pass and people mellow, but you have to make your own choices. Good luck!

It’s probably to do with the shame of telling others in the congregation that their DD is living in sin.

Just say to your Mum: I understand why you feel this way . I've heard all your arguments and I don't agree with you. It's not going to make a difference to what I do. It' s my life and I am going to live it how I feel fit.

We can either put this to one side , find areas we do agree on and enjoy each others company. Or you can keep on sniping and it will probably drive a wedge between us.