Started speaking to my ex again

[MamaOl93]

Broke up with my ex last year during lockdown because we couldn’t see each other, his mother got involved and things were just really strained between us.

We spoke again at the end of last year but he would send one text a month in response.

However I messaged him yesterday and we have text back and forth multiple times now and he even remembered my love for a particular subject and sent me a link of that and said “you might like this too”

I just think that’s lovely of him to remember that and to send it to me so specifically he’s obviously looked it up just for me.

How do I approach this moving forward?

You don't. You treat it as a nice text exchange and let it be. You might think he is 'lovely' now but I bet you didn't think that back then when his mum was creating drama and he was doing sod all about it.

Don't go back there. Leave it as 'well at least things have now ended on a good note'.

Him remembering something that you like is really not a big deal. It's not an exceptional thing to do. You need to raise your bar on that.

How old are you? Do you really want to get back with someone who lets his mummy interfere in his life like that?

@siyhack58342 I’m 28 x

You think that’s lovely when actually remembering what you like is the very basic of level one of dating.

If he wanted to be with you he would have.

Move on. Stop texting someone whose mother decides who he dates:

Do nothing. At the moment it is simply a few pleasant messages. Nothing more.

Who broke up with whom?

@JackRussellJacket I broke up with him

Seems like you're doing all the chasing here. His one word replies were a brush off and he's probably just being polite now.

I would be direct in what you want to happen, it depends if past issues can be resolved and if he's willing to put the effort in, better to know now if he wants to get back with you than waiting on him.

Remember the reason you broke up with him OP. You must have had a valid reason. I doubt that will have changed.

Just the fact his mum got involved in the situation would be enough for me to think that maybe this relationship won’t go the distance.

It sounds as though you are having second thoughts OP? Be careful. If you are thinking of talking with him about resuming your relationship I think you would need to be very confident that this relationship is one you want to commit to long-term. You really don’t want to be getting back, breaking up again...

Lockdown plays tricks on your mind. Makes you think things were better than they were. Makes you miss the good times you had together and prevents you from perhaps seeking out or moving forwards with a new relationship. Don’t confuse the impact of lockdown with how this relationship really was.

Thank you @JackRussellJacket that’s a good response for me to think on.

I’m sure all of us look back on some past relationships with rose tinted glasses on...especially at the moment when life can feel pretty depressing and uneventful. It’s so easy to think that maybe the relationship was good afterall. If it helps write a list of all the things that irritated you and made you decide to finish the relationship. Every time you feel tempted to go back there, read the list. As I said before if you return to a relationship I think you have to be 100% committed. For a start his mother might be disapproving which could put more pressure on you both.

It’s great things have ended amicably. The end of lockdown is in sight (hopefully) and things will start getting back to normal too. Plan some things with friends to give yourself something to look forward to. Give yourself the space to meet the right person for you. Life is too short to retrace your steps!

What’s with the mother getting involved? Sounds like she could be a pain in the arse for any relationship.

Do you really want that?

I think you are just lonely like many of us are and he is a sitting duck and you’re thinking he’s not so bad..,,.

If he wasn’t so bad/the situation wasn’t so bad then you’d still be with him.

Things will open up. You will meet someone else.

Does his Mother know you texted him OP 🌺

His mum is an issue? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3908709-His-mum-is-an-issue

This guy?? Seriously?! Please don't do this to yourself again.

If his mum is still around, things will be just the same. Don't do it, OP. Think of it as lockdown madness that's making you respond to him.

No way. His behaviour is always going to be ruled by his mother or he will use that as the excuse for not committing to you.

He sounds like a waste of time and energy OP. Besides he said he didn’t love you before?? I would take that, and his inability to be an adult separate from his mother, as all I needed to steer well clear.

You will meet someone else who is worthy of you. He isn’t and his mother, or his loyalty / attachment to his mother will always get in the way, believe me.

Is his mother dead now?

Otherwise your issues remain the same.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I can see now I have made a mistake. Truth is I am lonely, I have a controlling family who didn’t like me being in a relationship and I guess I wanted some of that control back. I also get bullied at work and I dunno, maybe I just wanted to feel something. Sorry for posting this thread

Aw, I'm sorry you're going through all that, op.

Work wise, are you in a union? Or you could try getting advice from Citizens Advice.

Do you live with your controlling family?

Please don’t apologise OP. It’s only natural to mull it over.

I’m sorry things are difficult. I know what it feels like to want to escape one existence and replace it with another, however unsuitable it might be! That’s how we all end up making mistakes in relationships.

Be patient. Build yourself up. If you live with family, make plans to move out. Place boundaries around your contact with them and don’t tell them every little thing you are doing if there is a risk it will cause their disapproval. You are 28. They don’t need to know everything. Join a meet up group or pursue a hobby (choir, walking group, art group, running group?) when restrictions reduce and get a circle of friends / acquaintances around you.

Move forwards. Don’t look back. Change your job 💐🌷 xx

If your family are half decent they won’t like you being in a relationship with someone who is unworthy of you.

Hopefully that’s been the issue, that so far the men you’ve considered haven’t been up to scratch.

We are all a bit lonely during lockdown and it changes how we think. There are a lot of people who will be thinking ‘better the devil you know’ re getting back with an ex. And sadly the majority will regret it as the ex is an ex for a reason.

Try and find other ways to stave off the loneliness and make plans for after lockdown. I know I will be doing that. If there is one thing it has taught me it’s that life’s too short and I don’t want to waste it on arseholes!