breakup

[jamietravis]

hi,i hope ive posted in the right forum,hoping to get a female view on this,out of the blue a week ago my partner,sent me a text while at work saying shes had enough and not coming back,i try and contact her to ask why and all she says is lots of reasons,she wont even meet me to talk about it,im in total limbo,as i said it has come so out of the blue,we have been together for 22 years since i was 22 and she was 19,i feel hurt,angry,confused,we have 3 kids together,ive now been left to do everything,cooking,cleaning,looking after my kids,all while feeling like this,ive had to take time of work to do all this,she would text me at least 3 times a day every day to say love you,then 8 hours after one of these texts i get the break up one,i guess i should of seen it comeing for the last 2 years theres been no sex,and for the last year we havent shared a bed,but everyday before work she would kiss me and say love you,i cant stop thinking of her,she hardley even texts our kids anymore,could i please get a female view on this,thanks in advance jamie

I would think she's met someone else and feeling too bad about it to face you. Or an argument prior to her sending a text?
Sorry op this must be a very difficult time for you, I hope you get the answers soon enough though.
Seems like also you were both stuck in the mundane life and everything was out of habit rather than making a fulfilling relationship, it really didn't seem healthy having separate bedrooms etc.
A very cowardly way she has ended it though, just take everyday as it comes and you have the company of your DC to get through it.

Could it be that she's having a mid life crisis? There may be someone else there may not, but she still needs to have contact with her children even if she wanted to end your relationship. She shouldn't turn her back on the children.

Do you have family and friends who can support you? Sadly, you may never know the real answer why she ended it. I would suggest you speak to a solicitor about the future financially and some stability for the children which will be important for them. How old are the children? Can you give them some chores in the house to help out too? How are they emotionally? It may be worth speaking to their schools so they can have some suppport and counselling at school if they need it.

You could arrange some babysitters if your children are younger and ask her if she will meet you somewhere neutral to give you an explanation at least so you know where you stand and what her intentions are for the future. If she doesn't agree to this then at least you have asked and you know she is done and you can make arrangements to move forward in life without her. She however should not be shutting out your children as a mother.

It's an awful position to be in and she may have met someone else, she may not but make sure you look after yourself, and eat as you cannot pour from an empty cup.

I am wondering if it's either if two scenarios:

She's met someone else and is too ashamed or frightened to let you know what she's done. My mother left the family home this way. Went to work in the morning and disappeared abroad with her new man. No note, nothing. Waited for the dust and then got her family to initiate contact with her children. How does your wife approach conflict? Does she run away from it? Also being overly loving can be a sign of guilt when someone's having an affair.

Or she's been dreadfully unhappy for a long time and again is unable to face you if she wants to leave. She may have been trying to make it better or appear normal, to put on a brave face. Also a lot of men don't pick up on their wives emotions. Would you say you're empathetic towards her?

Either way running away isn't going to sort this out and it's very unfair to leave this way, especially for your children who may be feeling very abandoned right now.

I hope you get to the bottom of this quickly for all your sakes.

Don't want to sound all Hollywood horror film on you - but are you absolutely sure it is her that is texting you? Seems odd that she would just vanish on the kids too... I'd be telling her you need a phonecall to hear her voice or you're going to the police to report her missing.

But as prior posts have said, she may be having some sort of midlife crisis.

Have you had a conversation with her/Do you know where she is,know she's safe, she's walked away from her children too,very worrying