Signs of narcissism

[mummy412]

What are the signs you're in a relationship with a narcissist? I'm pretty certain my partners one and I think I'm at my limit now.

After an argument there's no sign of him wanting to talk about it or showing any warmth or understanding.

He just ignores me blocks me and can carry on with his day and work whereas I can't even eat if I'm upset.

Does it matter? You can draw your own boundaries and end this if you’re not happy. It doesn’t matter why he acts this way, you’re not happy so you can finish the relationship. There doesn’t have to be a personality disorder involved if people are not loving or warm

My partner can be like this, it's bloody upsetting. I've explained to him how this makes me feel, and he honestly just didn't get it.He is trying hard now to improve as he's on last warning! He can be incredibly arsey and opinionated, so can I. Not standing for sulking anymore tho. You deserve more op x

Key signs are:

1.) Taking personally things which are not personal. If you disagree with them on anything at all, even something trivial, e.g. not liking the same music or food as them, they take offence and can sulk for days, weeks, even months about it.

2.) Having zero understanding that other people have needs or wants that are separate from their own. So they make unilateral decisions about things you'd usually discuss. E.g. when DH and I announced we were getting married, my dad chose a date, booked a hall and handed us his guest list of 70 people (the hall only held 70 people) having completely forgotten that DH had family and we both had close friends we wanted to invite - let alone have a say on the bloody date and location.

Pretty much imagine either the schoolyard bully OR someone with no empathy, how they would act.

It can vary as some of them are more malignant than others. But they are all...selfish.

So some regularly do things that are spiteful. Others...well actually, tbh they all do the odd spiteful thing here or there to 'knock you down a peg or two'.

Every person is different so how the personality presents itself will vary.

But if you look at their actions - they show you they don't like you very much (at best). They treat you with contempt. They don't like you being happy or want good things for you. They may even seem pleased when bad things happen to you.

All else aside, a partner should make you feel loved, supported and happy. Not stressed, confused and hurt. If he is actively taking away from your life then why do you keep him? Disorder or not, dont keep rotten ppl in your life.

Lack of empathy.
Inability to resolve a conflict which goes round in circles.
Sulking and silent treatment to punish you.
Manipulative and controlling behaviour.
Constantly putting you down or one upping you instead of being supportive.
Invalidating your feelings.
Gaslighting, blameshifting and deflecting instead of owning up and taking responsibility.
Disregarding of boundaries.

There's more but these are some that spring to mind.

Your partner does not seem to have regards for your feelings or your point of view, so you need to decide whether your relationship is worth continuing.

Yeah time to end it. We have an 11 month old which is why I have held on and tried to work on it for as long as I have.

However I cannot get over the fact that after an argument I try to reach him to patch things up and at one time he blocked me for an entire day and night while I was trying to get in touch with him. He then pretends everything is okay. But then calls me a liar when I repeat back to him the things he's actually said to me. When I ask him what it is I'm lying about he can't answer me. He just refuses.

Lack of empathy, usually they're complete hypocrites, but can't see it even when pointed out. They won't compromise on anything important, and never accept any blame or feel guilt for any of their own actions, but are quick to deflect it onto others.

From waht you've described, he could just be a rubbish communicator.

There's lists online, here's one:

www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20366662

But really, regardless of that, you need to be responding to your own feelings rather than diagnosing him. It doesn't matter to you if he's a narcissist, a git, or a giraffe. He makes you feel awful, and people who make you feel awful are people you need to get yourself away from, whatever their reasons/diagnoses.

To be honest - I think what can come across as narcissism is when someone does not feel loving toward someone who loves them. Their responses can seem calous and self centred and manipulative and hurtful - because they know that person loves them and they don't feel the need for it, but are willing to use them nonetheless.
I think when people say 'narc ex' - this is what they mean or what they have experienced.
OP it doesn't matter whether it's diagnosed disorder - narcissistic behavior can hurt like he'll and the only way out of it is to recover and stop needing anything from them. It's abusive and horrible and painful- and the more you show it the more easily you will be manipulated. Sorry OP but it's time to move on.

He sounds like a twat. My ex was like this. Would say horrible things in an argument then ignore me for ages. He also lied about stuff he had said all the time - gaslighting cunt. He was truly awful, and I deeply regret wasting two years of my life with him.