CAMHS advice

[callmesally]

I'm at my whits end and don't know what to do for the best.

Lockdown has really badly affected dd's mental health and she has gone from a happy lovely little girl that was always so well behaved and polite(she's 9) to one that's violent, getting into trouble and wanting to smash things. She's also been trying to punch me.

She's crying to me every night that she doesn't know how to handle her anger and just wants to punch and smash. She's also very anxious about getting to sleep, just anxious in general as well.

There has been no other problems at home and she has a happy, stable home life.

I've had a call from the school this morning to say she's been involved in another incident.

I've just called the doctors about getting a referral to CAMHS for her, but have no experience of them so don't know what to expect.

I'm worried about making things worse for her and really don't know if it's the right thing.

I believe it does really depend on area with CAMHS, but when we engaged with them in East Midlands they were excellent. Far more helpful to my son than private counselling I had previously paid for. They worked very closely with school as well so that everyone had a sort of joined-up approach if you see what I mean.

I also had a really good relationship with the therapist DS saw and she would call me to discuss his general progress and things she thought I needed to be aware of. DS was 15 at the time and very sensitive about confidentiality so she was always careful about agreeing with him what could be discussed with me. Sometimes I attended his counselling sessions just for the last 10 mins so he could tell me something he wanted to, while feeling supported to do so.

It sounds like your DDs problems may stem from anxiety - not surprising that this has developed with all the scary news stories about covid. Whilst some kids become withdrawn with anxiety it sounds like your DD is pushing it outwards instead. I would maybe do some work with her on recognising and naming her feelings, and then help her think of ways to manage her anxiety before she lashes out. This could be walking away from situations, seeking reassurance from you or a teacher, or just sitting quietly with the feelings and telling herself "this will pass".

It's really difficult as a parent to see your child struggle with MH - it feels worse than a physical problem, because there's always a feeling that you have somehow caused or worsened the problem. Try not to let that distract you. The skills your DD learns now in dealing with and managing these feelings will actually put her in a very strong position as she gets into her teens - the strategies she uses can be applied to so many situations and she will know that she has the strength to overcome them. So in the long run this can actually be a positive thing. (Certainly my DS now has a lot more emotional intelligence than his average peers.)

Good luck to both of you

Ex CAMHS practitioner here. I'd suggest that any input from you would be welcomed. Have a think about what you think will help the practitioner to know and either write in or email the team and this'll be kept on your daughters file. Ultimately the CAMHS practitioner can only do so much and as the parent the more you can continue with any suggested interventions at home the better the outcome for your daughter.
Remember that both you and the CAMHS practitioner want the best outcome for your daughter so be honest about any hurdles so they can be problem solved.
G'luck!

Thank you both, I'm just so worried and am at a loss of what to do now.

I sit with her every day and try and discuss her feelings with her and ways to manage them.

There's only so much I can do and now feel that she needs a professional.

I have considered getting a weighted blanket for the nighttime anxiety, not sure about that.

From about the age of 7 I have had to stay upstairs when she goes to bed, so maybe the anxiety has been going on a lot longer than I thought.

That does sound like perhaps this has been slowly building and has come to a head now.

Is he dad in the picture? Any possibility the anxiety has stemmed from fear of abandonment?

Yes her dad lives with us. I know there is a fear of abandonment going on.

So sorry to drip feed!

My DH tried to kick me out of our home about 3 years ago in front of dd, the clingy behaviour and anxiety started then.

Also dh has struggled with his mental health through the whole covid thing, and dd has witnessed him having a couple of absolute emotional breakdowns.

Up until a few months ago though she was always happy with no negative behaviours at all (apart from clingy). It's like she's turned into an angry teenager.

If I were still practicing I'd be thinking of cbt to help your dd cope with her feelings,but I'd have to meet her to know what her level of maturity is and whether this is the best intervention for her. It maybe worth finding out what the waiting times are for CAMHS in your area OP and if there's likely to be a wait whether you think a cbt workbook for children would help in the interim.
Another thought is that we'd have one 'duty' afternoon where one of the practitioners would answer phone calls from parents for ongoing support or advice. It maybe worth finding out if this is applicable in your area and having a chat about what you can do in the meantime and if a cbt workshop book would be suitable.