Ex broke a mirror

[Straightface]

Really not sure where to start with this: on Sunday I told my exh that I’ve been seeing someone and I wanted our dd to spend time with me and new boyfriend.
On Wednesday our dd was due to see her dad after school. I had a telephone conversation at lunchtime with him to check he was ok with the new bf situation and that he’d be positive about it to our dd. I told him that I’d already told our dd about new bf and she’d met him before I told her dad. He didn’t take this very well but assured me he’s ok to have her still.
When I picked her up from school today, she said she’d walked into his house on Wednesday to see he’d broken the mirror in his living room, apparently he’d punched it (before she got there) because he was upset/ angry about the situation. Our dd is 9. I’m gutted for her that she’s been put in this position and that he couldn’t just be a grown up about this
I think I’m going to email him tomorrow to say he can’t have her at the weekend, until he’s taken some time to accept the situation and calm down. Should she be able to go to his again? She adores her dad

@gutful

This event sounds like it is being twisted to suit OP - she wants to call the shots when it comes to the daughter. It's OK to introduce her to a new lover, it's OK to withold visitation from Dad

Well, let's face it: if OP is being a terrible parent, you'd hope that Dad would want to present an even more stable and secure environment for the child, wouldn't you? Rather than unnecessarily involving her in his fury and violence? One parent being crap towards a child should induce the other parent to feel the need to increase support and security for the child.

Which is what OP is demonstrating.

He sounds terrible OP! I do not think you shoulld withhold contact. It will just antogonise him. Also, you are assuming he will drink when he might not so punishing him before he has done anything. I would see this weekend as an experiment and see how it goes.

He does sound absolutely immmature and really damaging to your child but that is her dad, and you cannot change that. Sadly.

Things will blow over hopefully when his tantrum ends. What a dick, honestly. Why put a child in the middle??

@mediumduboir

First of all you shouldn't be telling your ex to be onboard with you seeing someone new to your daughter. That was a strange thing to say. Your ex pinched the mirror before your daughter was there. Ppl punch things when angry, even I do it. Sometimes things break. Your daughter wasn't there so I don't see why your reacting?

You punch things in anger and see nothing wrong with that? Its a giant red flag and if anyone were to say on here that their partner was punching things, the response would be to leave before they punch you. A child should not be dragged into the adults problems, no matter how tangentially. OP maybe now is the time to get access sorted via a court rather than ad hoc as it suits.

@AreTurnipsReal

He sounds terrible OP! I do not think you shoulld withhold contact. It will just antogonise him. Also, you are assuming he will drink when he might not so punishing him before he has done anything. I would see this weekend as an experiment and see how it goes.

He does sound absolutely immmature and really damaging to your child but that is her dad, and you cannot change that. Sadly.

Things will blow over hopefully when his tantrum ends. What a dick, honestly. Why put a child in the middle??

Yes I’m scared it would antagonise him and make her not tell me things in future. I’d not be doing it to punish him, but to protect her he’ll likely drink, it’s what he does to cope with life, it’s why we split up after many years trying to help him