Advice from a previous thread...

[indomitablewill]

This is my very first post so I hope I have done it all correctly!

Nearly two years ago now I managed to get out of my extremely abusive marriage of over 12 years with my two DC. I have just been reading the thread on why survivors of abuse stay in such horrible relationships, as this is something I personally have really struggled to come to terms with and try to understand - that I let him abusive me and my eldest DC (by being witness to it) so horrifically, and in so many ways, for so long.

Anyway, it got me thinking about how when I first started to realise I needed to get out I used to read threads on here in the relationships section relating to abusive relationships as a form of support and guidance.

Someone had posted asking for encouragement/what people would say to her to convince her to leave, and one person had replied from the perspective of a young child, asking their mother to protect them and why she (the mother) made her feel responsible for an adults unacceptable behaviour (or something close to that - I'm afraid I can't remember the exact wording).

I just wanted to thank who ever that was from the bottom of my heart incase they are still here. This would have been end of 2018/beginning of 2019. Your words absolutely cut through me in the best way possible and really were the beginning of me planning my way out safely. You helped free me and my DC and we are now safe.

Well done and thanks for posting.
You sound like a lovely person.

Hopefully the poster will recognise this, congratulations on getting out

Thank you both so much for replying . I really hope so too

Bump

I needed this thread right now. Thank you x

And some for @thatwasagoodideaofyours.

Well done op x

That's wonderful OP, I'm so glad you're out and safe - and free!

@thatwasagoodideaofyours

I needed this thread right now. Thank you x

Thank you. I hope you are OK x

So brave and so strong, your children will be so proud of you once they can understand all this. Sending good vibes your way that your path will be happy for your little family.

It is not unusual for abused women to end up in more than one abusive relationship, please be very careful in the future. I would seek therapy to ensure this if possible. It is about knowing your vulnerabilities, strengthening them, and knowing the signs of abusive people.
Hopefully someone will be along to expound more on this.

You have done so so well! Enjoy every second of safety and freedom your little family has please.

This just made me cry! (I'm due on, hormonal wreck lol!). I am so proud of you for getting out and what better reason than for your children. I got out of my 10 year abusive relationship/marriage back in November and it's also thanks to this relationship board and the amazing people here. What's funny is that a similar comment was (one of) my lightbulb moment..someone had asked me what I'd say to my DD if she came to me in 15 years time in the same situation because I'd allowed her to grow up thinking disrespect from a man was normal, or what if my DS became an abuser because he'd learnt from his dad how to treat a girl. While we are thanking people, the biggest of my thankyous will always go to @eckhart

@havecourage8bekind

@eckhart you probably don't even remember me now but you were so amazing!

@havecourage8bekind

On the contrary, I've thought of you often, and am so glad to hear you're doing well. My experience of abuse changes in its impact if I can help people with what I've learned from it. It is no longer just a horrible thing that happened, but has become a useful thing.

Same is happening for you. Your children benefit already. You will give others advice. Your children will form relationships that make them and their partners and children happy.

We are walking examples of how to make a positive outcome out of a negative situation. Your little ones are lucky to have you.

Eckhart, what you've learned helps more people than you know, thank you