Nightmare with ex partner!!

[Mummybunny2000]

As title says... I have DS with ex partner. I’m a young single parent now and he is causing me maximum amount of stress! Making everything difficult, emotional abuse and blackmail. Making me believe I’m going crazy. Convincing even my own dad that he’s harmless.. he’s ruining my life! I just want to look after DS and have him visit on his set days. But instead I’m recieving constant texts of harassment, then from other numbers when I block him. Calling from
Unknown numbers. He is only meant to contact through my mum.. making excuses not to visit and then twisting it thaT I’m not letting him see DS. I’m so scared of what he will do or manipulate if I remove him from or lives, but I’m more concerned what will happen if I don’t. I’m on the verge of a breakdown it’s a good job I’ve got a strong head or I would seriously believe I was going crazy like he wants! He doesn’t really care for DS... tearing my family apart making my life a living nightmare (apart from DS obvs). He smokes weed, sells it which I’ve recently found out too. And I’m terrified he’s going to take DS through the courts or something. I’m near the end of what I can handle. Please help me

Forgot to add this is all because I said I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore! Constant abuse harassment and in a sneaky way so it can’t be traced. All turned on me. All I’m doing is caring for his son and I have to put up with this manipulative bullying! Anything I do is wrong. I’m scared of him

Call Women's Aid.
They will give you practical advice.

Ring 101 and tell them that you are genuinely afraid of him, about the weed and the dealing drugs.
Ask for advice.

Could you get him arrested for selling weed?
At least if he goes to jail for a while you'll get some restbite.

@billy1966 thank you SO much! This has crossed my mind but felt awful for DS but it’s actually in his best interest now. He’s what I’d class as mentally unstable, the thought of him caring for my son alone sends a shudder down my spine

@Wanderlusto again, totally crossed my mind bet felt bad for DS. However he will know no difference, I think this needs to be done. I just get scared he will know it was me or there won’t be any evidence etc. I suppose I could give an anonymous tip off

Phone up the domestic violence helpline and find out about getting a non-molestation/harassment order.

Don't let him set foot in your house.

Change your phone number and tell him that your only contact will be via email and strictly about DS and only DS.

You don't give your number out to him and you tell your family and friends that they aren't to give it neither.

He sticks to the agreed contact days and nothing else. You don't communicate with him except via email.

Police. Block everything. Can you get a new phone and only look at the one to which he has the number once a week for contact, it’s turned off otherwise?

Given his awful behaviour, I would tell him no contact and he can go through the courts for access.

Women's Aid helped me so much. Please do ring them. They've heard it all, this is what they're trained for :)

I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't be afraid of going through court, again Women's Aid can help with that too. I went through court twice with their support.

You're not alone and you do have the power to do something. Do ring 101.

Gosh I would be going to

1. police
2. Womans aid

Then get the number of a good family law solicitor

Awful

You should not communicate with this turd

Definitely shop him anonymously to the police and I don't say that lightly. If he has a criminal record for drug dealing then he loses a lot of power over you. He won't be in court pretending to be father of the year etc.

And change your number and make sure everyone understands how deadly serious it is. There's an app parents use to communicate through which removes a lot of control and keeps records of arrangements etc. So he doesn't need your number I don't think. He will always always be like this so sadly it's your son that will suffer. He's a type. A criminal bully with no ability to understand his own part in his downfall. It's never going to change. If you get an opportunity to move away I would.

@RandomMess can I do this even though he’s not violent? It’s all emotional abuse harassment online etc. Thank you

@BlackAlys good thinking thank you

@Cherrysoup I could get a second number. Thank you.. I know it’s awful. I just get scared the courts will grant him more access

@SpongeCakeAddict thank you so much.. given your experience do you think I’d stand a chance if it did go to court? I will call women’s aid

@Queenie6655 it really is.. thank you I think I’ll have to now. I didn’t know if I was exaggerating but hearing these replies gives me the reassurance that I’m not. Thank you!

@Mintychocolate id love to move far away.. I’m hoping in a few years I’ll be able to do just that. Thank you, I will do that. Yes definitely a bully that will never change. I worry if I report to police what if they find nothing and he suspects it was me ? I suppose it’s worth trying and I’m sure they’d find something. Hoping he’s smart enough to know that if it was to go to court he probably wouldn’t get much access with the circumstances but I do worry about if he was to get more. He currently has unlimited access and chooses to see him 4 hours a week and that’s a struggle for him

Thanks again everyone

It is absolutely harassment!!

If you don't have court ordered contact he has zero rights. Even if he has court ordered contact he has zero right to contact you - you make DC available for him to collect at the agreed time and that is it.

If you don't have court ordered contact time to refuse it let him take it to court. Due to the ongoing abuse and his drug use ask for it to supervised in a contact centre.

Do you currently let him in your home??

Just a thought op, but if you do allow him into your home, have a good look around (eg: in the toilet cistern). Just incase he has hidden any weed about the place. Just because he seems pretty malignant and I wouldn't put it past him to try fit you up for something.

But as pp said, drop down to one method of contact and block on everything else. Keep the proof and a diary of all the harassment (take screenshots before blocking). See if you can get a friend or family member to do pick ups and drop offs and never let him into your home. And defo shop him into the police.

When I split with my ex 9years ago he was awful, constantly sending harassing messages and stalking me.
I would definitely contact someone for support, I didn’t at the time but wish I had. I had an incredibly supportive family though, who helped with lawyers etc.
He was initially granted supported access in a contact centre for a year and when out of the centre all pick ups and drop offs where done through my parents.
He had many class A drug convictions, fraud, assault charges etc and was still granted one weekend a fortnight.
I would keep a diary of his contact and whether he shows up as arranged and evidence of all communication. My lawyer told me always respond to messages as if they’ll be read out in court.
We also went to mediation after 3 years of court, mediation isn’t for everyone but i felt if he was going to be in my sons life I needed to be able to communicate with him in the future.

@RandomMess thank you. I think im going to have to do this. Not sure he’s got the inclination to do the court process, plus the time and money. Also.. wouldn’t he have to prove we both attended mediation first? So I wouldn’t just get a surprise letter through the door with a court date? He currently comes to my house due to lockdown and weed etc

@Wanderlusto good thinking.. thank you I’ll be vigilant. Also, totally agree with everything said. I have notes/ screenshots of all conflict and times he hasn’t showed up or was very late

@VHB88 I’m going to send you a PM if you have time to offer some advice would be amazing please. I’m waiting to talk with women’s aid. Also, perfect advice from lawyer.. he doesn’t follow it so luckily have proof of the harassment. Thank you, I’ll keep notes of everything !

@VHB88 my mum would be extremely supportive if it came to lawyers etc and my dads finally seeing through his fake persona ! Had a conversation with his mum today who “poo pooed” it all and blamed me for having a baby

Where abuse is involved the mediator will exempt you.

He has ZERO right to be in your home. He can take him out to the park or for a walk or not bother his choice.

He probably only bothers because it's an opportunity to abuse you.

@RandomMess thank you. My worry is that when mediation has to take place. I’d expect to get a letter inviting me to the mediation which would then inform me of what he planned to do. However, if I was exempt I’d have no idea of what he was doing until the letter from courts. I’d rather at least have the letter inviting to mediation. Do you have any idea how it would work? Because I’m sure if he applied to mediation he would tell the mediator there was abuse as of course it would make him look bad and in his eyes it’s “not abuse”