Page 2 | Being called hysterical over this?? Seriously??

Original poster

thatsgotit · 19/03/2021 00:30

You used the term hysterical

Oh, good grief. I used it in the context of reporting what he had called me.

& check the amount of exclamation + question marks in your post

Bit of a leap to infer hysteria from a few punctuation marks.

Do you think your husband will have had no idea why you refused to let him push the car? You say it was because of his weight but essentially covered that up (i.e lied about reasons why he shouldn't push the car)

No, I kept quiet about one of the reasons, to avoid hurting his feelings. And no, I don't think he will have guessed. He does stuff that tests his fitness and strength at other times and I don't tell him to be careful because of his weight.

It sounds like you know the guidelines for pushing a car suggest the hill must be a bigger incline. You admit there was only a slight incline. So it's unlikely the car would have rolled back on top of him. It wasn't actually a "hill"

I said slightly uphill. That's not the same thing as 'on a hill'.

Is anyone who disagrees with you a "mysogynist" or are other women allowed to have their own opinions here?

Don't put words in my mouth. I'm far from being alone in feeling it's misogynistic for women to call other women hysterical. Have you ever heard someone call a man hysterical? I bet I can guess the answer to that.

OP posts:

GoodQueenAlysanne · 19/03/2021 00:37

Am I missing something, or could one of you not just have reversed back, and re parked, on the slight incline, without having to do any pushing?

SleepingStandingUp · 19/03/2021 00:43

I've just been called hysterical, irrational and phobic for refusing to put him at risk by letting him attempt to push the car uphill (albeit only slightly uphill) while I steer. I mean, I'm assuming from your post that you calmly told him not to rather than burst into floods of tears of how he'll die and you'll never forgive yourself if he touches the car. One isn't hysterical, one is. So whilst I think it's irrational to not let him try because he will either fail so no difference or manange it (yay) , he's seemingly try to escalate your behaviour so he can be the victim.

We don't argue often, but when we do, I usually get called irrational at some point, and I get called hysterical too if I ever display more than a modicum of emotion I mean obv this is the overall issue, that he isn't ok with your emotions and finds them hard to handle so closes you down

Again only you know of you're sobbing on the kitchen floor because he loaded the dishwasher wrong, but I do think it's something you need to bring up in a moment of calm

Original poster

thatsgotit · 19/03/2021 00:50

@GoodQueenAlysanne

Am I missing something, or could one of you not just have reversed back, and re parked, on the slight incline, without having to do any pushing?

You haven't missed anything - the car needed to be moved to make way for his car when he picked it up from the garage, and if we'd done what you suggest it would have still been in his way.

OP posts:

Original poster

thatsgotit · 19/03/2021 00:55

@SleepingStandingUp

I've just been called hysterical, irrational and phobic for refusing to put him at risk by letting him attempt to push the car uphill (albeit only slightly uphill) while I steer. I mean, I'm assuming from your post that you calmly told him not to rather than burst into floods of tears of how he'll die and you'll never forgive yourself if he touches the car. One isn't hysterical, one is. So whilst I think it's irrational to not let him try because he will either fail so no difference or manange it (yay) , he's seemingly try to escalate your behaviour so he can be the victim.

We don't argue often, but when we do, I usually get called irrational at some point, and I get called hysterical too if I ever display more than a modicum of emotion I mean obv this is the overall issue, that he isn't ok with your emotions and finds them hard to handle so closes you down

Again only you know of you're sobbing on the kitchen floor because he loaded the dishwasher wrong, but I do think it's something you need to bring up in a moment of calm

I was calm, which is partly why 'hysterical' felt unfair and inaccurate.

For the record, though, I'd suggest that 'hysterical' is almost never a good word to use, in any context. It's a horribly reductive and dismissive word and it's normally used, IME, to cut women down to so-called 'size' for reacting emotionally to things. As I said to a pp, men never seem to experience this.

OP posts:

GoodQueenAlysanne · 19/03/2021 00:59

I really did miss something "So my car currently won't start". D'oh, I got so caught up reading the thread, the opening sentence went out of my head, sorry. Hence him wanting to push?

I don't think you were being unreasonable trying to be sensible and worrying about him, but he was, accusing you of being hysterical when you weren't.

GoodQueenAlysanne · 19/03/2021 01:10

I find men often get more genuinely hysterical than women, but are rarely accused of it. My ex used to get himself into a real state over nothing sometimes, when he'd lost something or something bad happened, but if I calmly pointed out he was doing something dangerous or stupid (walking a relatives of his dog, and he'd let it off the lead right beside a main road, etc), then he'd have the cheek to call me hysterical.

Surely hystericaly falsely acccusing others of hysteria, is in itself a form of hysteria..? My ex used to get more worked up, about how supposedly worked up I was, than how worked up he'd originally accused me of being in the first place, (and which was always a huge exaggeration).

gutful · 19/03/2021 01:48

I don't personally see the term "hysterical" in & of itself mysogynistic.

Yes it can be used with that intention.

But it can also be a description of behaviour - usually involves sobbing/screaming high pitched etc.

Not that like to play gender roles but men do tend to have lower booming voices & more inclined for their emotions to present as anger, rather than tears.

When you think of the term hysterical there is loud high pitched tones & tears. If you were doing those things - then yes I would describe this as being "hysterical".

I would also describe a man screaming & sobbing as being hysterical - I genuinely don't believe it is only ever used to describe a woman's behaviour/reaction.

Rainallnight · 19/03/2021 01:55

I hate it when people call women hysterical, for all the reasons you outline.

However, your reaction does sound OTT and quite judgy.

1forAll74 · 19/03/2021 02:15

Can you not ask a couple of neighbours to help you out with the car, instead of all this hassle.

Ganasha · 19/03/2021 04:09

If it was me I’d just say “I’m not getting involved in the drama. If you want to do it then go ahead but you’ll need to find somebody else to steer the car” and walk away

TheBusiness · 19/03/2021 04:24

I would have at least let him try. It would only take two minutes to see if he could do it or not.

Sakurami · 19/03/2021 04:33

It could either be normal bickering unless the reason why you rarely argue is because you are having to walk on eggshells and avoid disagreeing with him.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 19/03/2021 04:39

I don't understand why you wouldn't just let him try? It's really not that dangerous. Probably just made him feel really shit, embarrassed and useless. I'd expect that's why he got upset.

SmeleanorSmellstrop · 19/03/2021 04:42

Honestly does seem like a weird overreaction on your part which then frustrated and upset him as it sounds pretty insulting (I'd feel insulted if I were overweight and my partner refused to let me do a minor task without freaking out that I'd be hurt... From what? A heart attack as I'm so fat or being run over as I'm so fat and weak). Neither option is a) realistic or b) a very nice thing to learn your partner thinks about you.

I'd probably call my partner hysterical if he behaved like this.

MonkeyNotOrgangrinder · 19/03/2021 05:03

You could just apply the foot brake if it started rolling back?

gutful · 19/03/2021 06:04

@MonkeyNotOrgangrinder excellent use of logic here

MonkeyNotOrgangrinder · 19/03/2021 06:24

[quote gutful]@MonkeyNotOrgangrinder excellent use of logic here [/quote]
Thanks! wasn't sure if it was too obvious...?

Lovelydiscusfish · 19/03/2021 07:49

Hate the word hysterical. My ex actually diagnosed me (after he had viciously dumped me then tried to get me back) with a hysterical personality disorder! I think he reached this “conclusion” because I occasionally expressed negative emotions about his shitty controlling behaviour.

He was a misogynist too....

Onelifeonly · 19/03/2021 07:54

Have re read your original post and you say you refused to help him out. You later say he couldn't get his car into the drive because your car was in the way. You don't say whether he could easily park in the road or not, so it's not clear how annoying it was for him for you to refuse to help move your car. So it's hard to decide if you were being reasonable or not.
Though "hysterical" is not a nice thing to be called and has massive connotations. Reminds me of those old films when the token decorative, but useless-in-a-crisis woman would start screaming and the manly competent handsome hero would slap her cheek to get her to shut up. So I can see your point.

But I assume you are not really bothered about the car incident and more about his attitude and use of language in general.

I would just answer back TBH.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/03/2021 08:54

Arrogance is definitely one of his character flaws, coupled with thinking he's right all the time, basically because he perceives himself as being 'more intelligent' than most people.

We don't argue often, but when we do, I usually get called irrational at some point, and I get called hysterical too if I ever display more than a modicum of emotion

He sounds like a bit of a dick with a streak of misogyny from these comments and what you've said in general. Is he like it (calling people stuff like irrational and hysterical) with everyone if they disagree with him or does he wait until they've gone and then moan about them?

Ivebeeninlockdowntoolong · 19/03/2021 08:56

@Wanderlusto

I'd let him do the car thing...with a bit of luck maybe it'll squish him.

Ha ha ha that's so funny.

Original poster

thatsgotit · 19/03/2021 08:57

*@MonkeyNotOrgangrinder excellent use of logic here grin

Thanks! grin wasn't sure if it was too obvious...?

On the previous occasion when we tried it, I was applying the brake when the car, inevitably, started to move backwards. I was shouted at to 'fucking stop braking and let me push' so no, I wasn't going to go down that road again.

HTH.

Honestly does seem like a weird overreaction on your part which then frustrated and upset him as it sounds pretty insulting (I'd feel insulted if I were overweight and my partner refused to let me do a minor task without freaking out that I'd be hurt...

If you RTFT you'll see I addressed this point.

OP posts:

MonkeyNotOrgangrinder · 19/03/2021 09:08

Fair enough, thatsgotit just wasn't sure if you realised. Your dh sounds like a twat, ofc

pickingdaisies · 19/03/2021 09:21

I'll just leave this here

Being called hysterical over this?? Seriously??