Growing apart?

[Liveyourbestlife123]

Some advice or support here please. Anyone else in a simular position?

Me and my DH have two DC, been together 18 years. Over the last few years we haven't been so close, he seems to have given up, lacks motivation, doesn't engage with the family. Sex life is next to none and when we do it lacks passion. He is here in person but always watching the news, on phone etc. I feel so very lonely.

I also feel that i take responsibilty for everything! He has started to cook but this is because i am at work, so a necessity rather than a choice or to want help out and support us as a family.

I have raised my loneliness a few times, he says he will contribute more... sometimes he will but always short lived. He doesn't seem to want to help himself. I did say about a year ago if things don't change i will leave. So earlier this year, i decided i can't live like this anymore. He will say he loves me but its as heart felt as 'whats for tea?' Or ' i am putting the bin out'. We are in the process of seperating, i am so sad but cannot see what else i can do? I feel so trapped. He won't go to counselling, does not feel comfortable for me to attend alone, won't talk to me about how he feels.

I am just feeling so guilty and sad for it coming to this. I absolutely don't want to change my decision but just feel so sad.

Why can you not attend counselling alone? Surely that is your choice and you might find it helpful to just talk things through with an independent person?
I am in a similar position, though we are still 'trying', whatever that constitutes! I have regular counselling on my own and have found it great for putting things into perspective and understanding that your feelings are valid.

I have made the decision to have counselling for me when i have moved out. It is my choice but would have been also nice to have support from DH, which is something i don't have.

It would be lovely to have the counselling to validate how i feel, i think this would absolutely help long term.

I am sorry you are going through this aswell.

That sounds like a really depressing existence for both of you. Has he thought of seeing a doctor to see whether he's depressed? Otherwise I don't blame you at all for wanting out. How are the children about it?

thank you, it is just so sad. He won't see a doctor, the children are ok thanks. The oldest has said they understand and says its important that i am happy too. I have just said that i am not happy and feel we would all be happier in the long run if we seperated, so have not gone into any details or blame culture with the children.