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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Will this divorce ever go ahead?

13 replies

shootinstar04 · 18/03/2021 08:08

Hey, right so I've been with a guy for almost 2 years. He is lovely, kind, very easy to get on with but over time I've noticed he's a bit too laid back.
He moved into my house last year on the condition he gets a job (he was made redundant) and he gets his divorce sorted. (She wanted it over)
He said yes without a doubt he will get those sorted.
Showed me a message of the quickie divorce company he was going to use as they are doing the 2 year separation which is now more than up and said it should be done in about 6 wks, fine, found himself a little job to tie him over. Sorted.
However just before Christmas I asked him how the divorce was going, he said oh it's not it's costing more than he thought and needs to save up for it!
Cut story short, I've given him until this Easter to get it sorted or we are done.
Few weeks back I've asked him what's the situ oh I'll call her at the weekend, Monday night he goes off upstairs in private to call his ex to finally get this sorted. Apparently now it's in her hands and she will put the application through. So it feels he's passed the responsibility onto her to sort it. I said it still needs to be sorted by Easter, the application to have gone in at least!
Yesterday I asked how the application is going, replied not sure I'll ring her at the weekend she's having issues with her mum in hospital! I've rolled my eyes up and the look on my face said it all.
Now don't get me wrong, I am a very caring, considerate person which has been taken for granted a lot of times, am I going to be the bitch if this bloody application hasn't gone in by Easter and I stick to my word and end it between us, despite the fact his ex couldn't get it done because of her family issues? He could have done this himself but it seems he doesn't really like responsibilities and all about the easy life.

OP posts:
toomanyplants · 18/03/2021 08:17

I think you're answering your own questions.
If he wanted to divorce her he would at least have started the ball rolling himself.
Either lazy, or doesn't actually want the divorce.
If you don't stick to your word you'll be back on here in 6 months, 12 months, asking again.
Loser.
Show him you mean business... if he's genuine he will soon get his shit together

MrsSandy · 18/03/2021 08:24

He's a cocklodger

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 18/03/2021 08:28

Sounds like you got together either when he was still with his wife or very soon after. He has already moved in and your pushing him to divorce. I think you should have slowed everything down. He isnt going to get divorced by easter, he is passive in the process and why shouldnt he be. He is living in your home and doesnt have any stress.

trevthecat · 18/03/2021 08:44

He's being a dick. It's so easy to do yourself. And cheaper. Mine took less than a few months. And my ex had to be pushed to sign. He's having you on

Unanananana · 18/03/2021 08:47

You have yourself a cocklodger. He knows you don't mean any ultimatums because you 'lurve him' so he has no incentive to sort his divorce or get a proper job.

There is another enlightening thread by a poor poster who has herself one of these (sorry, cannot link on phone but I'm sure other posters may know which one) and she is so beaten down she can't seem to get rid of him.

Raise your bar. You are worth more than propping up a feckless male who sees you as his gravy train.

Unanananana · 18/03/2021 08:49

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/4192403-Financial-strain-in-relationship

Not sure if it will work but is worth a read.

TheBusiness · 18/03/2021 08:51

There have been many threads where the bf won’t get divorced with many reasons why not. I say stick to your guns as it sounds like it won’t happen even if you gave it another six months or a year.

Why though is it more important to you than him?

Usagi12 · 18/03/2021 08:54

Even if he gets the divorce now he's shown you who he is. You will have this same battle (different things of course) over and over every time you want to move your life forward. If you have kids you'll end up doing all the work. Decide now whether you can live with someone like this.

MrsBertBibby · 18/03/2021 08:55

You don't sound like you like him very much at all. You certainly don't respect him.

Why is that?

annonnymous · 18/03/2021 08:59

His wife dumped him for a reason, and this type of lazy fuck behaviour is it. Don't make the same mistake and stay with someone who is goi g to repeat this over and over again throughout your life together. Laid back, y arse. This is just lazy and taking you for granted

shootinstar04 · 18/03/2021 09:06

Thank you all for your comments and most of your are absolutely right.
I will check out that link also. Thank you.
This is my first relationship in a very long time. I've been divorced for 4 years and that was an awful toxic marriage and when this guy came along he ticked all the boxes.
I'm such a sucker for romance and was blinded by the red flags. I feel I've gotten to a point where he has hooked me in with his kindness as he does do some absolutely wonderful things for me and my 2 teenage kids. I've met his parents and they are lovely. She mothers him way too much it's sickening 🤣
We've had the discussion we are not going to have children together.
I think I love this guy but there are so many things that have happened with him being dishonest I'm questioning myself. I think the more I write and think about it, your right I'm answering my own questions. It's time I put myself first and MY happiness I know what I need to do just need to be brave and stop worrying about how, where he will go once I've told him to leave.

OP posts:
shootinstar04 · 18/03/2021 09:08

@annonnymous I think you are right however they are apparently still very good friends, she even posts stuff on his Facebook page on birthdays and Father's Day with pictures of him and her together and with him and her kids saying not together but still a step dad to our kids. The kids bit is fine I get that but to put pictures from the past when they were together of the two of them is just weird.

OP posts:
MrsBertBibby · 18/03/2021 09:20

He wants another mum.

Next time, don't let him move in. Just enjoy the fun bits.

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