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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do about this friend?

5 replies

Doggylover2021 · 17/03/2021 23:03

I don’t know if this is a silly thing or not but it’s been really bothering me.

I have this friend who is part of a friendship group of 3 (including me). I wouldn’t say we knew each other well but in the last few years the three of us talk fairly regularly and I like her. But she can be quite harsh about people, bitter and jealous.

I don’t tend to ring her one on one. But in the last few months she has rung me outside of the group conversations we have with our mutual friend. Tbh I don’t really want an intense friendship with her. I think she would annoy me too much.

Recently I got a puppy. She’s made some pretty rude comments about it as she doesn’t like dogs. In addition, I have not been around to answer her calls and our mutual friend has cancelled a few of our group calls due to busy work and personal life.

Today I missed a call from her so I said I would ring her back which I did. The conversation lasted a few minutes. In it, she insulted my dog (who I love deeply now), said it was a joke and then asked me why I couldn’t speak tonight. I said I was picking up an item from my mum that I’d ordered for my house. She immediately asked me where it was from and how much and I told her. I regretted this instantly as she has form for constantly telling you that things are a rip off etc etc. Except this time, she kept saying “wow, you are so rich. You order an item for £200, you have a dog and you own a flat in X”

This has massively pissed me off. I could say something but I kind of don’t want the hassle. I just want to get over it, move on and put a bit of distance between us.

Ugh. I think I just need to rant.

OP posts:
Ruminating2020 · 17/03/2021 23:10

You don't need to be friends with her if you find her unpleasant. Distance yourself from her because her way of relating to you is toxic. She is putting you down and seems to enjoy bitching about you to your face to prop herself up.
Does she like anyone? Those who speak negatively about others only drain you. I'd be avoiding spending any amount of time with her.

converseandjeans · 17/03/2021 23:11

She sounds like hard work in my opinion. Probably fun to go out with but not going to be a proper friend to you.

GlitzAndGlamour26 · 17/03/2021 23:13

You need to distance yourself from her OP.Hopefully she will get the message.

Doggylover2021 · 17/03/2021 23:46

It’s tricky because I don’t have all that much to do with her day to day. But we chat in a WhatsApp group with my other friend which is very active and I enjoy it and has been to be honest a godsend over lockdown as I live alone.

I think she is horribly insecure and I just tend to ignore comments she makes about other people but I have thought for a while there is an unpleasant side to her.

I was thinking about messaging her today to say I find the comments hurtful. But I guess at the same time, I don’t really know why I care and I don’t want the aggro when really she isn’t an essential friend to me if you see what I mean. I think I will try and get over it and distance myself. I just don’t want it to be awkward in this threesome chat.

OP posts:
WisnaeMe · 18/03/2021 00:16

block is your best friend, you'll still see her in the group chat but she won't be able to calm you any more, win/win 🌺

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