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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I give him another chance..?

46 replies

Goodfriendskeepenemiesatbay · 17/03/2021 21:05

Met a lovely guy last year, in between lockdowns.. got on wonderfully then he ghosted me for 4 weeks. Messaged me out of the blue apologising, said he was embarrassed but was scared of getting into another relationship but wanted to give it a go. Great. Obviously then lockdown hit again and unfortunately his mum passed away.. he then said he didn't know what he wanted and was obviously grieving. Now he is saying once this lockdown is over he wants to meet up.. should I give him another chance?

OP posts:
Givemeabreak88 · 17/03/2021 21:06

Wow you would be mad to give him another chance 🤦‍♀️

category12 · 17/03/2021 21:11

God no.

This is such a common dick move, that it probably has its own name.

It's really a great way to establish exactly how much crap you will tolerate and still go back for more.

He ghosted you. Fgs, have some dignity.

Cleverpolly3 · 17/03/2021 21:16

If you give him another chance he will just shit all over you

So it’s a no from me

KingsRoad · 17/03/2021 21:16

If he had told you he was a Marine he would have got a full house.

Scared he cared for you too much. ✅
Dead family member ✅
So sorry he treated you so badly but it wasn't his fault in any way ✅

anunexaminedlife · 17/03/2021 21:16

Never

lifehack · 17/03/2021 21:18

Being scared is such a crap excuse for ghosting and with the bereavement I'd say he's not ready for dating, he'd most likely pull some other excuses next time too. You want someone more together so you don't get mucked about.

Purplecatshopaholic · 17/03/2021 21:19

Nope. Block. Move on, nothing to see here..

ItsNotLoveActually · 17/03/2021 21:20

Once, I could forgive but not twice. He's got/has someone else on the go and is hedging his bets.

awesomekillick · 17/03/2021 21:21

He's lining up a shag for celebrating the end of lockdown whenever that is

steelserenade · 17/03/2021 21:21

Nope.

category12 · 17/03/2021 21:22

Added bonus of the patented dick move "my feelings for you scared me soo much" is that if the sucker target takes him back, she will be afraid to ask about feelings or where the relationship is going forever, which is super convenient for disreputable nobber.

SarahBellam · 17/03/2021 21:23

God no. Sounds like he’s keeping you warm in case his latest shag falls through.

CaramelPops · 17/03/2021 21:23

Nope. I did and he completely walked all over me because he’d figured out how much shit I would put up with and still hang around.

Someone better will come along, I promise you. Don’t miss that special someone because you’re busy being played by an immature dick.

Original poster
Goodfriendskeepenemiesatbay · 17/03/2021 21:23

Ok, that's good I don't feel so bad anymore then. Grin felt like such an awful person considering his mum passed but then I thought I don't treat people like this even when terrible things are going on so it's no excuse.

OP posts:
Usagi12 · 17/03/2021 21:25

God no, you've given him one already and he blew it.

TheBusiness · 17/03/2021 21:25

He would do exactly the same again.

Givemeabreak88 · 17/03/2021 21:27

It’s sad that his mum passed away but honestly maybe it’s best for him to not be dating right now then. I’m not even sure why you would consider this tbh you really need to up your standards

MarieDelaere · 17/03/2021 21:28

This is such a common dick move, that it probably has its own name.

Jason-ing.

Named after the infamous multi-dater I used to work with, who quite frankly was unhappy unless he was juggling at least four women at the same time. He didn't give a fuck how much he upset them; he sucked up their emotions like it was infusing him with power.

Even his best friend at work knew he was 'wrong' but was strangely fascinated by it all.

Most but not all of the women at work gave him a wide berth because of his reputation.

ohnoisaid2much · 17/03/2021 21:52

@awesomekillick

He's lining up a shag for celebrating the end of lockdown whenever that is

This Hmm

Lampan · 17/03/2021 22:39

Absolutely not. Everything has been on his terms by the sound of it and as pp says he is clearly just lining up a post-lockdown shag. There would then be another ghosting or bullshit excuse followed by him reappearing, etc etc until you finally end things. I like to reply to these messages politely but firmly and vaguely, such as “Hope you’re doing OK but I’ve moved on from this now, best of luck!”

Cocogreen · 17/03/2021 22:42

No.
If someone is really keen on you they’ll stay in contact even when they’re going through hard times.
Sounds like he’s keeping you in reserve and waiting for a better offer.

FizzyPink · 17/03/2021 22:43

No
I’ve been there and got the T-shirt. Twice in fact. These men never change. They’re usually the love bombing begging for forgiveness types as well

Sunflower1970 · 18/03/2021 00:19

Run for the hills

2ndtimemum2 · 18/03/2021 00:49

Hes keeping you as an option op, he ghosted you because something better came up when that didn't work he reached out. You deserve better than that.

ScienceSensibility · 18/03/2021 04:42

Oh for God’s sake NO.

Of course you don’t give him another chance!