What would you do?

[Lostmyself86]

Hello,

I've NC. I need some advice. I've been with my husband for 15 years. We have 3 kids. A teenager, a 9 year old and a baby. My husband has always had a temper, he's put holes in doors etc but this was before the kids were born and he got anger management and things were good. Tonight my 9 year old was being naughty and cheeky to his dad. My husband got frustrated and threw a wrapped up nappy at his face. My son threw something back at his dad. I'm shocked. It was something soft but it's not right is it? My son cried. I don't want my son growing up thinking if you're annoyed with someone it's ok to throw things at them. I was abused as a child and this triggered me. I don't want my son to grow up in the environment that I did but mine was much worse. Does that even matter? Also my DM was amazing growing up but I always held some resentment that she never had a go at my dad or kicked him out for what he did to me. I don't want my kids to resent me for the same thing but am I exaggerating? I'm currently in the bath trying to calm down. I've told my husband I don't find it ok and comforted my son. I know there will be words had once the kids go to bed.

Things have been growing in intensity lately even with me and my husband arguing. I feel like he doesn't see things from my point of view or the kids point of view. He's also working from home so we don't get 5 minutes away from each other. Help me

You are not overreacting and are correct in your thinking it is never acceptable to throw things in anger.

Your DH needs to go back into anger management.

No, you're not exaggerating

It sounds like things are getting stressful for you all, especially with lockdown and everyone being on top of everyone else all the time, tempers are bound to get fraught.

Of course though, it isn't acceptable to throw things at your child when they are being naughty. But, not condoning his actions, but if things were already fraught and add a naughty dc to the mix I can understand how some people could momentarily do things they wouldn't normally.

I think the only thing you can do is talk to your dc about how it isn't acceptable to throw things when angry and that his dad was wrong to do so. Would your dh apologise for throwing that at your dc? That would help hammer the point home.

Also, I am guessing there may be an argument with your dh later. All you can try and do is explain how that reminded you of your upbringing and how it was upsetting and just hope he understands that and controls it better.

if it happens again or it escalates and your son actually gets hurt. totally different kettle of fish. Then you need to consider very different options.