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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend trouble

28 replies

Laurens96 · 17/03/2021 14:20

Hi ladies I'm going to apologise in advance for tge long post lol.
I've been with my boyfriend 5 years now. 6 months into the relationship i found out he was on pof and we managed to work past it.
I gave birth to twin girls who are 10 months old now. 4 months after my twins were born i found out my partner had been messaging my best friend of 13 years behind my back. There was text messages, whats app messages and facebook messages between the 2 of them. The messages were basically sexting eachother. They were talking about how much they wanted to sleep together and how to get away with it begind my back saying they'd take time off work to spend the day in bed together having sex and that he'd go hers for sex when i was out so i wouldnt know he had been out. He complimented her a lot and said he couldnt wait to be inside her after she had already given him a blowjob.
At the time they were doing this i felt really low in myself because my boyfriend wasnt interested in me sexually after having my girls by c section because my body was different.
He said it was my fault he did it because he didnt feel loved even tho he was the one refusing sex or intimacy. 2 weeks after i found out about them i found out they were still sexting and had arranged for him to go there while i thought he was at work.
We are still together trying to work things out but 6 minths later im still in a bad head space.
I dont feel good about myself anymore like im not good enough or attractive enough.
But since this happened ive noticed other stuff that has always been the same ive just never thought about properly before i guess. Like how he always snaps and shouts when i dont agree with him. He calls me names a lot when i tell him im upset about something like tellung me not to be silly or not to be a dickhead.
He doesnt help with anything around the house im expected to keep the house clean wash up do the washing basically everything on my own.
I asked him for help with the housework today cuz the girls are teething and really cranky and clingy and im struggling to sort the babies and the hoyse on my own.
He said because he goes to work its my job to sort the house and babies on my own. This morning he sat on his game before work for an hour and a half while i tried to sooth the girls and sort out the washing up from his fry up. I asked him if he could finish the washing up cuz the one twin was really upset and couldnt be left to just cry. He told me not to be stupid he had got to get ready for work that i had to do it myself.
I guess i just needed to get everything off my chest because i dont have a lot of friends left anymore.

OP posts:
LancesGold · 18/03/2021 04:41

You don't have a relationship to save op.

He's a lazy, cheating, abusive arsehole. A terrible father to his children and an appalling role model. He will do untold damage to your DDs if you stay together. Don't let that be their future.

I'm a single mum to young twins. It is hard but we are surviving and they are thriving. I thank God every day that I am free to raise them away from the potentially damaging influence of their father.

You and your girls are worth SO much more than thisFlowers

MsDogLady · 18/03/2021 05:42

Laurens, this man is a true horror. He is a mean-spirited, abusive cheat, and it is a tragedy for your sweet daughters to be exposed to him. I really do hope you can protect them and yourself by walking away from this despicable low-life. You three deserve an emotionally safe home and he will never provide that.

In your shoes, I would seek the support of individual counseling to strengthen your self-esteem and boundaries.

Laurens96 · 20/03/2021 22:39

I've just been feeling very down about things i guess its hard to put into words really. The last few days have been very draining due to trying to keep on top of the housework and dealing with 2 very cranky sad teething babies.
My one babies even been crying at my partner proper sobbing saying mom over and over. Maybe its because shes so used to me doing everything im not sure as shes only 10 months old

OP posts:
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