Once a week sex

[Choccyaddict4eva]

Hello, I have been with my partner 6 years, and I have two children from a previous relationship. We keep having the same issues cropping up again and again and I feel like we can’t resolve them. His main issue is that we don’t have enough sex...in all honesty, I’m happy with having it once a week. I work full time and I am also studying, and after coming home and having to cook, tidy up, deal with my kids, all I want to do is go to bed and sleep at the end of the night! I just don’t feel bothered or excited anymore, it’s just the same as it always is. I am also on antidepressants which massively affect me sexually. My partner knows all of this but I don’t feel he does much to help matters. He hardly helps out around the house or cooks, and I am tired of his lack of physical support. We even tried putting together a cleaning rota (ridiculous that we even had to do this!) but that lasted less than a week. He’ll help if I ask him, but rarely will he do anything going off of his own initiative. Never has he turned around and said ‘you’re exhausted, I’ll cook tonight’ or offered to help clean. He’ll wash up if I cook, but that’s as far as it goes. We do our own washing as I feel that I do enough around the house! I think all of this has had a knock on effect on how I also feel sexually. I don’t feel any passion or excitement anymore. During this lockdown I have been working from home, supporting my kids with home schooling, working late into the night and falling asleep on the sofa with my laptop most nights, and my partner had the audacity to accuse me of avoiding going to bed with him, whilst also complaining that we haven’t spent much time together recently. This massively offended me as he has done nothing to help me other than listen to me vent about how I’ve been stressed etc. I’m tired of going round in circles and feeling unsupported. He decided over the weekend that he wants some time apart so we can reflect and decide if we can come to a solution, but I’m not sure we can anymore. Can we move forward from all of this? Is it that uncommon to only have sex once a week?!

---

If you've found this page in your search of adult games and sex games that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex games useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

@pog100

"Your husband sounds really understanding and considerate. I’m glad you managed to work something out!" You know this isn't really understanding and considerate. It's normal. It's a bit worrying that you consider it special. You really would be better off without him. Let him go.

Wow, you’re right, it is normal, but I’m looking at it like some sort of amazing thing, when in fact it’s normality. You’ve opened my eyes

@category12

He sounds like he's bringing bugger all to the party to be honest. He's not a partner because he doesn't act like you're in a team, and he doesn't bother with your dc, yet he's been in their lives for several years.

Let him have his space away, and don't let him back. Feel like you'd probably have less work if he wasn't there, and at least you wouldn't be resentful that he could be doing his share of housework but isn't.

True. During this ‘space’ away from each it feels like we have to be a ‘team’ when it comes to sex, yet I carry the weight of everything else on my own 🤔

It is just awful to feel under siege by someone wanting sex all the time. My OH was like this, although his was due to a degenerative brain disease. It nearly drove me nuts! I had no peace at all.
He has died now and I miss his wit and humour and intelligence - but by golly I do not miss being unable to go peacefully to sleep without being jumped on, or being unable to do anything round the house without the "prodder" at my back.

I think the suggestion that, if he expresses disappointment at your reluctance, you should tell him what your disappointments in him are. And ask him what he plans to do about them.

Sorry you are feeling hassled.

@Mischance

It is just awful to feel under siege by someone wanting sex all the time. My OH was like this, although his was due to a degenerative brain disease. It nearly drove me nuts! I had no peace at all. He has died now and I miss his wit and humour and intelligence - but by golly I do not miss being unable to go peacefully to sleep without being jumped on, or being unable to do anything round the house without the "prodder" at my back.

I think the suggestion that, if he expresses disappointment at your reluctance, you should tell him what your disappointments in him are. And ask him what he plans to do about them.

Sorry you are feeling hassled.

Before he came out with his ‘space’ idea we both went through what our grievances were, and he openly admitted that I have said this in the past. He listened to what I was saying, but I don’t think he could comprehend why it was important to me and why it’s such a problem. I think that’s a problem in itself. I’m sorry to hear about your husband x

Hi all, thought I’d post an update- me and partner split up. It was a messy break up and I’m sad it came down to this and the way it happened, but I think long term wise it was for the best. Last week he said he was ready to talk and initially I agreed, however I felt pressured into doing so, and later told him that I needed some more time to think and that I didn’t want to see him just yet. He still turned up and tried to let himself in (the latch was on the door) but I said no- he spent a good 15 minutes banging and shouting loud enough for all my neighbours to hear 🤦🏻‍♀️ Saying that I was crazy and selfish and needed to let him in to speak to him. In the end he threatened me and said if I don’t let him in it’s over and he’ll collect his things while I’m at work. Even accused me of having another man inside with me (!). I arrived home yesterday to find all of his stuff gone and my spare keys on the kitchen counter.

Once every few months here !!! Both work full time and have a toddler ... I ain’t feeling sexy ever !

Ha. Showing his true colours then - he was using "space" to guilt trip you and it backfired
I think he's done you a favour TBH. Hope you are OK

That's great OP, I'm glad the trash has taken itself out!

Sounds exactly like my ex husband...when he has his 'time off' he did what he wanted which unbeknown to me included shagging half the town and when i had my 'time off' I did the weekly food shop or took the dc on playdates

@QuentinWinters

Ha. Showing his true colours then - he was using "space" to guilt trip you and it backfired I think he's done you a favour TBH. Hope you are OK

I think that too. I think it’s for the best like I said, but, it still feels like a big shock. I’m alone again after 6 years. I can’t help but feel sad. It wasn’t all bad, but, the good didn’t outweigh the bad.

@pinkyredrose

That's great OP, I'm glad the trash has taken itself out!

Ha, thanks!

@Elieza

One partner having a higher sex drive than the other is a problem for many couples. As is one being knackered from wife/mother work while the other one is fresh as a fucking daisy, having done fuck all hard work.

When he starts whining again that he’d “like to have sex” I’d be retorting that “well I’d like you to do the housework for a week so I can relax enough that I can feel like having sex but that’s not happened despite me asking so looks like we’re both disappointed then. What do you want to do to resolve this problem?”

See what happens.

I dumped one of those horn dogs as I felt like a rubber doll not a person and was totally pissed off with him whining about a lack of ‘closeness’ and lack of ‘intimacy’ to guilt trip me into shagging him. I did a couple of times to keep the peace but that’s just so wrong so that was game over.

He could have had all the closeness he wanted cuddling me but that wasn’t enough apparently. Who knew someone’s penis had to be inside you to feel close....

This.

Pulling your weight in life is not helping, it's being a functional adult.

Let him go! Do not let him back in. A manchild is about as sexy as a jellyfish.

@Choccyaddict4eva

Hi all, thought I’d post an update- me and partner split up. It was a messy break up and I’m sad it came down to this and the way it happened, but I think long term wise it was for the best. Last week he said he was ready to talk and initially I agreed, however I felt pressured into doing so, and later told him that I needed some more time to think and that I didn’t want to see him just yet. He still turned up and tried to let himself in (the latch was on the door) but I said no- he spent a good 15 minutes banging and shouting loud enough for all my neighbours to hear 🤦🏻‍♀️ Saying that I was crazy and selfish and needed to let him in to speak to him. In the end he threatened me and said if I don’t let him in it’s over and he’ll collect his things while I’m at work. Even accused me of having another man inside with me (!). I arrived home yesterday to find all of his stuff gone and my spare keys on the kitchen counter.

What a relief!

get rid of him for god's sake, he is treating you like an unpaid maid, is plain idle and expects you to put yourself out for sex too.
Tell him he'll get sex when he starts acting like an equal partner.
i wouldn't put up with that.

Sorry just read the update - good riddance, you dodged a bullet there.

He treated you like shit.

He treated your DC like shit in their own home.

Not good enough.

You all deserve better.

His shenanigans at the door are disgraceful.

I would change the locks.

Good OP. Best result you could have had. Him home and your life is your own.

I’d still change the locks too or add an additional one if that’s cheaper. I don’t mean bolt I mean lock and hey key btw.

Stay safe and congrats on having your life back. 🥂

@Sssloou

He treated you like shit.

He treated your DC like shit in their own home.

Not good enough.

You all deserve better.

His shenanigans at the door are disgraceful.

I would change the locks.

I’ve got a new top lock already 👍🏼

@Elieza

Good OP. Best result you could have had. Him home and your life is your own.

I’d still change the locks too or add an additional one if that’s cheaper. I don’t mean bolt I mean lock and hey key btw.

Stay safe and congrats on having your life back. 🥂

Thank you, I’ve got a new top lock which I’m going to change for now

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Sorry just read the update - good riddance, you dodged a bullet there.

Yes so true, I’d rather be alone than miserable and taken for granted

Well that was relatively easy compared to other cock lodger stories on MN. You could have ended up with him refusing to leave your house, or taking ages to move his stuff. While it's upsetting for you to break up you will soon relish in your new found freedom when you can go to bed in peace. Great to hear you have already sorted the lock. Best wishes to yourself and your kids.

You’ll have the best sleep tonight without being badgered for sex by a man child.

Assuming he’s not a total arsehole - Ltb if he is - You need to figure out why it’s so important to him
Does he feel unwanted or unloved when you won’t sleep with him. If so can that be addressed another way? Maybe he equates sex to love/romance/affection

Then you need to really explain your schedule to him. It sounds like he works and that’s it. Does he really appreciate how many things are on your plate? He could take some of them off. There’s only room /energy for so many things, if he wants sex to be one of those things he needs to make space - would you be open to more frequent sex then?

Ultimately the issues is why does an adult man need you do cook and clean like doesn’t live there and doesn’t eat? And I would expect some level of input with the kids too. Otherwise what is he contributing? More mess? More mouths to feed? Guilt trips and arguments? Are you there to clean up after and service a man whilst working full time and studying?

Totally missed the updates! Good for you!

@CodMouth

You’ll have the best sleep tonight without being badgered for sex by a man child.

Ha ha you are right!!