Think my marriage is falling apart

[LostAndUnfound]

Not sure where to post for most response , sorry.
I may have double posted , apologies if I have.

What were your signs of falling out of love , or your marriage dwindling ? Could it be saved ?

YANBU - we worked things out
YABU- My instincts were correct, it didn’t work out

I'm sorry to hear of this OP. I think you may be better served posting the Relationships board, which gets load of traffic, and where people approach the board in the frame to give advice on this type of topic.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships

in AIBU you are more likely to be picked apart for your grammar, or told off for the slightest of infractions.

I had 2 marriages.
1 I divorced because we had a dealbreaker (he didn't want kids). Took me the whole marriage of 4 years to work out it couldn't work. In the end I left and it was the right choice.

2 - not sure i would ever have ended it, we did love each other but God it was hard due to his chronic illness. He's dead now, after 14 years married.

I don't intend to marry again but I'm back in a new relationship. Trying to do things differently - lockdown helps there. Without children together it has to be better than being single for me to keep going - thats a high bar.

I think while children are young it's difficult and worth trying quite hard to work it out.

@Ginuwine thank you , I’ll see if I can have it moved . @mumsnethq please could this be moved ?

@PermanentTemporary so sorry for your experiences , thank you for sharing, I appreciate it

Bumping

Can I suggest marriage counselling, you might be able to fix it before the rot sets in.

I think you both have to want to save the marriage. If one of you doesn’t want to invest time and effort in trying to work things out, then it’s just a waste of time. So the first thing you need to do is be honest with each other - sit down and discuss what you both want to happen. If you both think the marriage is worth fighting for, then make a plan. Discuss what’s lacking, and what each of you feels is needed to get it back on track.

Thank you ever so much

@LostAndUnfound I knew deep down after ten years of marriage that we wouldn't grow old together but we had three under 8 at that point. We gradually grew apart, tried a counselling session (with his counsellor) who basically sided with me! Few weeks later we had The Chat and agreed neither of us was happy and neither of us really wanted to put the effort in to making it work. We split amicably and he remarried within a couple of years. I've been dating someone for 4.5 years but its coming to an end. I will never marry again - couldn't bring myself to repeat the vows I made til death do us part etc etc again. won't live with anyone ever again either or share finances.

You need to be really honest with yourself before being really honest with your husband. One of you is going to have to be the Bad Guy and say "this needs to end" or you will limp along for years, both miserable. My ex is really happy now and deserves to be after 20 years with me!