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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you carry on seeing him?

8 replies

BellyFuss · 15/03/2021 20:54

Started speaking in November, formed a bubble in January. Met pretty much weekly since then, he’s been to mine, I’ve been to his. Have a great time with him but between dates barely hear from him! This has gone on for some time now and I mentioned it in passing once and he just said he wasn’t a texter. All fine, accepted that and I’m busy in the week too. When we arrange to meet, he’s proactive at the last minute (ie might suggest a walk or film the day before) but otherwise if I want to organise my time I have to contact him and get clarity on what we are doing/which day, otherwise it is a last minute message from him. I know these aren’t big issues but it just doesn’t feel like he’s that bothered or excited to see me?! Is that an immature thing to say?!

We’ve stayed over but a lot of the time he will say he’d prefer to meet in the day..I also find this odd as 4 months in in past relationships have been very much staying over and planning things together.

He’s taking a week off soon and will be going to stay in family holiday home for a few days and will call in to see family outside for a day during the trip. He’s not asked if I want to join him but knows I could take time off easily.

I don’t know if I’m being unfair on him here, he’s quite shy and reserved (we’ve not dtd yet because i want to wait and he’s never been pushy like so many men I’ve been with). Maybe it’s that? Or is this going nowhere?

I’m feeling sick of the sense that I’m driving things forward all the time. BUT I really do think he’s wonderful and so it’s hard to just call time on it. Don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
lifehack · 15/03/2021 21:37

It's like a very slow dating phase where you haven't discussed being exclusive yet? and not sleeping together. I think it's time to decide if you want a relationship with him and say you would like more communication during the week as without that you can't possibly bond as a couple.

Eckhart · 15/03/2021 21:39

You're on different pages. Not compatible. Neither of you is doing anything wrong, you just don't fit.

Have you raised it with him? You sound like you think you might just be being silly, and so haven't said anything? Your feelings are more important than anything else, though.

HollowTalk · 15/03/2021 21:40

This is the same man that was on a different thread?

Eckhart · 15/03/2021 21:43

@HollowTalk

This is the same man that was on a different thread?
Oh, the guy who won't sleep over..?
HollowTalk · 15/03/2021 21:50

I can't remember about staying over, but a 4 month relationship where he doesn't invite her to things and they haven't had sex is very familiar.

Lampan · 15/03/2021 21:51

Is this the hospital doctor again? If so please listen to the pretty much unanimous advice on the previous thread(s).
Assuming this is someone you’ve not posted about before, I think there is an issue that he doesn’t seem that bothered and you for whatever reason clearly don’t feel comfortable to have an open and frank conversation with him about where you both see this going and what you want. 4 months is too long to waste unless you are happy with just casual dating that might not lead to anything. Speak to him. If he resists a conversation or makes any excuses, walk away. Generally if you have to ask ‘would you carry on seeing him?’ the answer is probably going to be ‘no’

HollowTalk · 15/03/2021 21:53

Oh hang on, is this the doctor? That's another thread altogether!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/03/2021 21:56

What’s going on? Is this the guy who’s going away in the caravan on the thread I’ve just replied to?

How many people have been dating for exactly 4 months and aren’t shagging yet?

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