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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What happened that night #trigger warning#

7 replies

Whoateallthebiscuits · 15/03/2021 20:47

I am now late 30s this happened when I was 15 but during an introductory session with a therapist today it came up and she felt I was carrying the trauma as even though I don't remember what happened my body does apparently. Anyway here goes, back then I was a living with my cousin, id been kicked out by my dad for being a bratty 15 year old. My cousin invited me out with him to a pub, I got there and he had friends also there, we played pool and I had had about 2 drinks, he leaves but I was asked to stay and finish the game which i did, one of his friends (older in his late 20s) gave me a drink and thats it, the only other thing I remember is being in a house and my friend is at the door asking if I'm there, I can hear her but when I try to shout nothing comes out and I can't move, then I remember nothing until the next afternoon when I wake up and get out of the house. Apart from the one friend who I drifted from years ago and this therapist I've never told anyone about it and I still can't remember anything more it felt silly as I've got no real memory. I've always been very closed off sexually, I've never been able to relax enough with a partner to orgasm for example, ever there is a block there. I don't know what happened to me that night and the therapist has got me thinking about what actually happened. I know it's stupid as after all this time I still don't remember more than the above but I don't know if i want to explore more with her, does anyone have any advice on if this is something I should think about more, would there be anything I could do to jog my memory, should I even try? I'm a bit confused and scared I was sexually assaulted and if I was do I really want to remember. Thanks.

OP posts:
Whoateallthebiscuits · 15/03/2021 20:48

Sorry, terrible grammar, i'm a bit unwell tonight and struggling to focus properly. I hope you can still read it OK, apologies.

OP posts:
Bananadramallama · 15/03/2021 21:00

I can't give you any advice but I'd be tempted to put it down to a drunken night I can't recall.
Hopefully someone else will be able to offer some constructive advice though
What were you seeing the counceller for?
I think you may need a specialist in repressed memories and sexual trauma if you were to go down that route though.

Whoateallthebiscuits · 15/03/2021 21:15

I had a nervous breakdown a while ago and quite severe post natal depression before that so I've had a tough few years mental health wise. I was doing OK, recovering. But with lockdown and then my dad died recently, who, while estranged for a while when he kicked me out in my teens, I was very very close to, it completely blindsided me. I also have a health condition that has changed my way of life and I'm just really struggling, I tried a therapist as it helped during my breakdown and post natal depression. This is a new lady as the one i saw before wasn't available. We started briefly talking about my time estranged from my dad and i mentioned it, I can't even say why and she asked me to expand. I don't think I do want to remember, I just haven't got the energy but she made this comment about me not remembering a trauma but my body will always remember. I don't know if she wants me to talk about it more.

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 15/03/2021 21:23

If there was no indication or anything of sexual assault at the time, and it was just a drunken night that you blacked out from I really wouldn't be investigating this further. I was raped whilst blacked out drunk when I was 20 and not going into details but there are usually signs the next day that sexual activity has taken place, if there was nothing to suggest something had happened and you're only just thinking this now because of what the therapist said it seems like you're just looking for answers to how you're feeling.

HollowTalk · 15/03/2021 21:27

Why are people passing this off as just a drunken night, when she had 2 drinks, then one drink off an older man, after which she can't remember anything?

imalmostthere · 15/03/2021 21:38

Only you can decide if you want to dig further. My honest opinion is that If you were sexually assaulted, you know deep down and would have been aware the next day. It's entirely possible you don't want to think about it. It's also entirely possible nothing happened. Only you can answer these questions. I was assaulted at 17 and tried to forget it for years and couldn't. I was passed out drunk and don't remember getting to bed either, but I remember the assault. A therapist may be able to help you remember with some techniques. I hope you get the answers you're looking for.

TacCat49 · 16/03/2021 06:33

Was your drink spiked???

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