I am now late 30s this happened when I was 15 but during an introductory session with a therapist today it came up and she felt I was carrying the trauma as even though I don't remember what happened my body does apparently. Anyway here goes, back then I was a living with my cousin, id been kicked out by my dad for being a bratty 15 year old. My cousin invited me out with him to a pub, I got there and he had friends also there, we played pool and I had had about 2 drinks, he leaves but I was asked to stay and finish the game which i did, one of his friends (older in his late 20s) gave me a drink and thats it, the only other thing I remember is being in a house and my friend is at the door asking if I'm there, I can hear her but when I try to shout nothing comes out and I can't move, then I remember nothing until the next afternoon when I wake up and get out of the house. Apart from the one friend who I drifted from years ago and this therapist I've never told anyone about it and I still can't remember anything more it felt silly as I've got no real memory. I've always been very closed off sexually, I've never been able to relax enough with a partner to orgasm for example, ever there is a block there. I don't know what happened to me that night and the therapist has got me thinking about what actually happened. I know it's stupid as after all this time I still don't remember more than the above but I don't know if i want to explore more with her, does anyone have any advice on if this is something I should think about more, would there be anything I could do to jog my memory, should I even try? I'm a bit confused and scared I was sexually assaulted and if I was do I really want to remember. Thanks.