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Original poster

Who is BU re DP and changing last minute plan?

15 replies

ItscoldinAlaska · 15/03/2021 17:09

DP and I work at the same place. I wfh 3 days a week. In office 2 days. DP in office, 4 days. We get there at 7am. As we did today. Leave at 4pm. But often DP runs over. He is a bit of a workaholic but he gives me a lift for those 2 days so I regularly work more hours than I should to fit in with what he wants to work.

I asked if we could go to the solicitors after work tonight as I had to take in some ID. He agreed. Solicitors is 40 mins away in the town we live in. Closes at 5pm.

At 3.59pm, when I was waiting by the car, he sent me a message saying 'I am running late, will be about 20 minutes'. So I text back 'Guess we aren't going to the solicitors then?'

He rang me about 5 mins later and huffily said 'I have packed up and I am coming' so I said 'Don't worry about it, it is too late to get to solicitors now anyway they close at 5' and he repeated 'I'm coming' and I said 'It doesn't matter now, take your time, we won't get there' and he really aggressively said 'Will you listen to me'. We had an argument in the car because he tried to say I was disappointed with not being able to go to solicitors (I was) and wouldn't listen to him when he said we would make it. I am annoyed at:

  1. Him commanding me to listen to him
  2. Him saying it aggressively
  3. He changed the plans, not me, and got in a huff.

Who is BU?

OP posts:
DillyDilly · 15/03/2021 17:16

I think you were.

multiplemum3 · 15/03/2021 17:18

Doesn't sound like there would be time to anyway, factor in a bit of traffic and it would have been closed anyway?

gamerchick · 15/03/2021 17:18

Nowt worse than having to rely on someone else for lifts. He was unreasonable for agreeing then forgetting he agreed.

SendMeHome · 15/03/2021 17:20

I think it’s one of those things, if you are getting a lift.

Could you have driven yourself and come back to pick him up? Or got a taxi?

It’s probably also going to depend on his job... but I worked with DH when we were dating; and we finished at the same time, but there was often one of us needing to work later/finish something. It’s par for the course.

Original poster
ItscoldinAlaska · 15/03/2021 17:26

Yes and usually I am absolutely fine with it but really needed to get to solicitors for house sale docs. Will accept AIBU though.

OP posts:
GeorgiaGirl52 · 15/03/2021 17:37

Did you get there before they closed?

LittlestBoho · 15/03/2021 17:42

Why didn't you take the keys and drive yourself to the solicitors? Life is much easier and more peaceful when you don't rely on other people to do stuff for you.

Original poster
ItscoldinAlaska · 15/03/2021 17:42

No, we didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItscoldinAlaska · 15/03/2021 17:49

I didn't have the keys. I have my own car, but no permit for the hospital car park yet (long waiting list). I don't 'rely' on others to do stuff for me. It is me who has done every single thing to sell my house so we can buy a house together so a lift to the solicitors isn't that big a deal.

OP posts:
LittlestBoho · 15/03/2021 18:10

Can you use his parking permit? So that morning say "we're taking my car today so I can go to the solicitors after work". Set your expectations out clearly like 'I'm doing this with or without you', so you don't have to call and ask him to hurry up, or tolerate him snapping at you. Though he shouldn't be snapping and you then blaming you for it anyway.

Are you protecting your deposit contribution for the new house?

Jobsharenightmare · 15/03/2021 18:13

If he came down at 4.20 you never would have made it. Even if you got dropped off at their entrance it would have been 5pm so they would have closed the door already. He was unreasonable.

But I think he got to the car at 4.10 giving you enough time to get there and them photocopy your ID right?

Original poster
ItscoldinAlaska · 15/03/2021 18:19

He got to the car a bit later than that but then took time to tell me that IWBU so we would have got there at about 4.55 earliest. Actually, even though it annoyed me @LittlestBoho is right, I should (and have) only rely on myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItscoldinAlaska · 15/03/2021 18:21

We were rejected for a house that we loved today in favour of first time buyers. Third time its happened. So I guess the stress is getting to both of us. Worries me that we are letting it come between us though Sad

OP posts:
hullabaloo19 · 15/03/2021 18:27

I think he's the one BU. You asked if you could go to solicitors and he agreed. Him being annoyed is the reason I say he's BU, had time just run over and he was apologetic I think that would be okay, just try and get there another day. But to get annoyed with you is unfair. You weren't shitty with him, you were just like 'we won't make it now, don't worry about rushing' and (reasonably) a bit irritated not to be able to get it done. That being said, it's not a massive problem so I'd try and just forget about it this time (unless him getting defensive about you being irritated with him is a really common occurrence, in which case I'd try and work on that together).

Baconking · 15/03/2021 18:43

@ItscoldinAlaska

We were rejected for a house that we loved today in favour of first time buyers. Third time its happened. So I guess the stress is getting to both of us. Worries me that we are letting it come between us though Sad
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