Pregnant and attraction to partner

[Namechaged45]

Hi,

Just looking for some positive reassurance really. I am 34 weeks pregnant and pretty much since 8 weeks pregnant I’ve not found my DP as attractive as I did before I was pregnant. (It’s our first baby)

These thoughts and feelings have troubled me deeply and I just want them to go away.

I feel terrible for the way I feel and just want to feel that attraction again...

I’ve read it’s hormones which I really hope it is but I can’t help but feel I’ve made this into such a issue in my head I won’t be able to get past it! :(

Any one been through anything similar..?

Not to put too fine a point on it: do you still kiss/cuddle/have sex?

Pregnancy hormones can do all kinds of weird things to your feelings about your partner. Hopefully your feelings will return to normal after the birth, although in all honesty a newborn is not normally an enhancement to the sex life.

If you are still physically affectionate and attraction aside, still love him, I wouldn't worry too much for now. You don't have to have sex if you don't want to, but if you haven't for a while it might be worth giving it a go, as going without for a long time can make things a little weird to get going again.

Imo the important thing is to be honest that pregnancy hormones are making you feel weird about things and try to stay connected through affectionate touch.

It’s been a strange time our sex life has taken a nose dive to be honest, I just don’t find the want to, so no not really.
Cuddles yes, but I don’t like too much affection at the moment :(

I do suffer with anxiety and overthinking so that’s just made things worse I think, plus the added stress of lockdown and isolation

Thanks for your message and replying

It can be hormones, yes. I read a while ago that when you're pregnant, you want to be around people who smell the most like you - your own family due to pheremonal similarity to them. I wish I could remember where I saw it. There is a theory about the woman pushing the male away and being driven to seek the support of her own family. It can last a bit after the baby's born too. Although not very useful or reassuring for you maybe, but what you might be showing is that you and your partner are quite compatible genetically - ideal for healthy babies.

Hi OP- so sorry you're feeling like this, it sounds so tough. It's not easy, but it will get better with time, patience and persistence.

I had a really similar situation- and it was hormones in my case. I'd always fancied my husband, we had a great physical relationship. But when I became pregnant my physical attraction towards him nosedived, (as did our love life). I just felt that I had no attraction or desire towards him at all.

In my case it carried on like that for some time. My DS is 20 months, and it's only now starting to get better. But please know I've read lots of women post on here that things can improve much sooner so please don't feel discouraged! And of course, over the past 20 months whilst I've waited for my hormones to catch up, watching my husband as a dad has re affirmed my love and respect for him and made it easier to ride the wave, and wait for things to improve.

My top tips from the last couple of years of experiencing this would be to:

1. Openly communicate with each other throughout- at a minimum, it'll help it feel less isolating for you.
2. Don't put too much pressure on yourself - your already bringing a life into this world which is amazing! It's a huge thing physically and emotionally to grow a human being. Time is a great healer, so be kind to yourself
3. If you can and only if you're comfortable - smaller things, like holding each other's hand or giving one another a hug can help. I found smaller displays of physical affection a great way to connect with him and much much easier to digest, especially when tired with a newborn. It kept affection constant throughout, even when other areas (like bedroom antics) had died. Although that might not work for everyone and it really depends on whether you're comfortable doing that / if you feel you want to.
4. Date night - everyone said this to me, and I really hated the idea of leaving my DS to invest in an area that I felt flat about, when I was already exhausted. However with hindsight it helped us a lot. It gave me a space to have the opportunity to fancy him again and a chance for us to ask how each other were going. And date nights don't have to be fancy or in a restaurant - it can literally be having dinner together once the LOs in bed, or just playing a board game. Whatever you want it to be!

Hope these help!! Even if none of those tips are valuable just know it does get better! Xx

Iv been through this ! I had a miscarriage tho and as soon as I lost the baby I liked my partner again 😂 I hated him it was kind of over night . Everything about him turned me . His smell made me physically sick . Even if I had to kiss him goodbye I would be gagging. It hormones op ❤️ they will settle down x

When pregnant with all 4 of my dc I had an irrational hatred of my dh, I couldn't explain it but even if he walked in a room it annoyed me. It all went away after I had the dc though.

Dont worry OP, I'd say this is much more common than you think.

My DS is 3 months old, from the minute I found out I was pregnant I couldn't stomach the thought of affection let alone sex with my DP. From about 20+ weeks I actually couldn't stand him being next to me.

It does get better I promise, not straight away at least not for me.. I had a traumatic labour and birth so again the thought of sex is the last thing on my mind but it's getting better! I don't hate him on sight anymore

Sorry to hear about your loss @cactuslover1992 x

Thanks everyone, that’s all helpful info and it is so reassuring to know others have had the same experiences. I’ll give it some time after birth for things to get back on track.

It’s a very bizarre and upsetting feeling! X

Another one who couldn't stand my male partner in either pregnancy

I think it's hormones and smell. Like someone said, I cannot stand DP being near me. But I don't mind the smell of my DC.

Op, I'd expect the attraction to come back at some point, it's not unheard of to feel like this. Just reassure him it's not him