I'm not entirely sure why I am writing this apart from trying to get it out of my head onto 'paper' so my options could be clearer and perhaps some advice.
I don't know if I can take action now, in a years time, 5 years time or 10 and I have seen other similar threads so I know I am not alone in this situation but I have no one in real life that knows even a smidgen of this...
I am on my second marriage, i married too young first time around and it took me years to escape that and then it needed quite a bit of orchestrating and it wasn't a great split but I moved on. Spent a couple of years with my child working out what i wanted and went back to study. I had been lumbered with a large amount of debt by my ex and to be honest i still have some now lingering, along with student loans so financially I'm not in a great position now, and I do not own a house so have to rent at riddiculous prices due to where I live...
fast forward a couple of years and I was persuaded to try OLD and after a few frogs, met someone who didn't seem bad and we got on. He moved himself in quite quickly with me and my child who was then 7 but it felt okay and we ended up marrying. A year later I was pregnant with child number 2. He had some health issues and had ended up working in a lower paid field than he could but again, it was okay, there were plans to get back to it and over time his health issues seemed to improve but then coupled with that, his drinking increased.
He is rarely 'drunk' but I think that is because he has built a tolerance and basically over the past 10 years has been drinking 6-10 cans a night of strong continential beer. He doesn't drink spirits and rarely drinks wine but always beer, every night. I don't think there has been a night when he hasn't drunk, even when off sick from work.
about 4-5 years ago, his anxiety and depression went off the scale and he had thoughts of killing himself but he didn't. He eventually 'gave in' and saw the doctor for some meds and since then its been up and down but relatively stable. Around that time he started sleeping downstairs as he likes to have the TV on in the background (but I think it is so he can continue to drink) and would sit outside listening to music or watching stuff on his phone.
To be honest, I was and am fine with that, I don't want to share a bed and in the evenings I can do what I want. What does annoy me is that he NEVER eats with us, always has to have his meal put in the microwave for later as he can't drink when he's eaten so he eats around 11pm or later (and leaves a mess in the kitchen). He even did this with our Xmas meal even though my first child and their partner was here....
We haven't had sex for 2-3 years (and to be honest I don't want to as he isn't the best with hygiene now and he smells of beer) and each day I say to myself that I don't want to be with him anymore. He tries to cuddle me and often tries to touch my bum and breasts and I brush him off - he gets stroppy but I ignore that.
I worry that my 2nd child will end up in a similar relationship. They are 11 now and makes comments about dad always drinking/not eating with us and also tells him off/asks him to cut down (he managed 2 days of only having 6-7 beers and then back up!) but I also worry about the impact of asking him to leave on them.
My second child has anxiety and at times her father feeds into this, when it is just me and the child in the house it is pretty calm and yet add in him I end up hearing shouting and arguing but they really do love him and worries about him.
He doesn't earn enought to rent a 2 bed place, doesn't drive and works shifts so I worry about how he will cope on his own and to be honest I am terrified that if I tell him how I feel, he'll try and kill himself or at the very least try and alienate my second child from me and blame me.
At present we co-exist in the house, we have two roooms downstairs so he hides away in one and I try and avoid interacting but when I do it is basic, and polite and nothing too heavy as that sets him off but I am fed up of seeing how he spends £300-400 on beer each month leaving me to cover more than half the bills and have no way of saving to buy our/my own place.
I am going to be 50 next year and I know I need to sort things soon but also wonder if I can wait until my child is 18 in 7 years time to make it easier that way... I have a professional job and hope to move into a higher paid position in the next 2-3 years
thank you for reading and