I really need some advice as I am struggling to decide what is the best for my DS. This issue has consumed me since I found out in January and on top of the current Covid situation I’m just not in a good place at all. If someone has had a similar experience it would be so helpful to hear.
Back in January I found out my 11DS had engaged in some fondling with a friend CHILD A in Aug 20. It happened 3x and on 2 of these occasions another boy CHILD B was with them and he also engaged by touching himself/watching. This child told DS’s other ‘friends’ and CHILD B and CHILD C have been bullying/threatening DS on/off since it happened. I also found out that CHILD C had shown a group of them porn on his mobile and my son had been watching this occasionally. I take full responsibility for this part, I naively and very stupidly didn’t dream that it would be an issue at such a young age. I’ve since done everything I should have done before to make sure he is unable to access it going forward. I’ve also had the conversation with him and he knows he is too young to be watching things like this etc.
I am mentioning this to give the full story.
After posting in AIBU the evening I found out, I was advised my some of the kinder comments to contact NSPCC which I did the next day. They in turn referred me to Children’s Services and we have been having weekly 1-2-1 sessions the last month.
Over the weeks (not from the sessions with CS, just by DS disclosing to me) I have found out the following:
- CHILD A offered DS money and that is how it started.
- CHILD A is now possibly engaged in similar activity with another child.
- CHILD A also offered money to CHILD B to pull his trousers down.
- CHILD B has told his older brother about my DS and the brother has been telling my son that he hates him because he is gay (not recent, this was in the summer before I knew what had happened).
- Found recent messages from CHILD B and CHILD C calling DS gay and nobody likes him etc. This was on Friday.
I have given all the above information to Child Services (except recent messages). CHILD B’s parents separated suddenly and dramatically in the summer, I do not know the reason why but do know that the mother had SS involved as we overheard a conversation the father was having on the phone while my DS was on the mike with CHILD B. Again this was back in the summer.
Very unusually CHILD C and CHILD D came to my house yesterday while only my DH was home. DH quite aggressively told them they are not friends of DS, they are bullying him and if he hears of another incident they are both going to be in big trouble etc. DS was beside himself saying we are ruining his life, he won’t have any friends and to just leave him to sort it.
I am constantly worrying about what he is holding back because he won’t trust me if I speak with his friends/friends parents/school etc and not speaking with them all and this going further and further. I should mention CS advises me not to speak with any of the parents and go directly to the school. I have spoken with the school about the incident but not the recent messages.
Would you speak with Head even though it happened outside of school? Speak with parents even though that risks him being ostracised by parents/friends? My concern is that some parents (Not parents of the kids threatening)would stop their children being friends with DS. Or just wait and see if comments stop now that DH has spoken with them?