I'm sorry for the long post, I'm wondering if anyone can give me some advice.
Jan last year I had my second child, my sister and i have always been very close, she told me she wanted to be at the birth, and I said yes. My sister isn't the person who takes you saying no to her very well. I had a planned home birth and went into labour naturally and she got abit annoyed that I went into labour when she was in work and her work wouldn't let her leave (she works in maternity on the labour ward) but obviously I couldn't help that I went into labour. While pregnant I would get messages off her 3/4 times a day asking if baby was moving ok.
She came round in the morning straight from her night shift and stayed for a few hours went home came back after getting the kids from school then stayed untill late evening and that's how it was every day/night until we went into lockdown, she would turn up in the morning after taking the kids to school and she would be mothering my son all day cuddling him, fall asleep with him on the settee and tell me to keep an eye on her/them. I was (still am BF) and I got to a point where I really struggled feeding because I wasn't relaxed as she was there all day and she was always holding him. When I would feed him and he would fall asleep I would put him down in his Moses basket, she would keep checking on him, then end up taking him out of his so he could sleep on her and she could cuddle him. She then started to sort of push bottle feeding him so she could feed him, I was stressing about trying to express milk, so she said for me to get him formula and mix feed. My partner didn't really get a look in with baby and she would laugh and say "oh it's like I've had the new born". She asked if she could come and stay over at my house so she could get up with baby in the night so I could sleep as I wasn't sleeping at the time. (But with her being at mine in the day I couldn't nap when baby napped)
I've suffered badly with anxiety for many years, but I noticed things were going in a way I didn't like mentally and told my GP at the 8 week check who said it's just baby blues and abit of anxiety and it will go away. I knew this wasn't the case but just went along with it.
Fast forward to the start of the lockdown last year, throwing someone like me who has bad anxiety and always thinking the worst will happen into a pandemic isn't the best mix, I couldn't of been more thank full for the lockdown though as it put a halt in my sister's visits.
If I had of said to her no you can't come round I'm napping for example she would see her bum with me. So it's easier for me to just allow it.
Lockdown started and she kept asking to come round, I said it's fine by the door socially distanced etc, this worked for a couple of visits but then the edging closer to the kids and getting closer to the door to come in started so for the next visit I said to talk through the window to which she ended up with her head fully In the house getting my daughter to get close to her. She would message numerous time a day asking if the 'babies are ok' and if I didn't reply she would try calling or facetiming. If I didn't answer, she would call my mum asking why I'm not answering her, then my mum would call me worried.
It got to a point where I had to just say to her can you please just stop putting so much pressure on me asking to take the kids out and come round everyday(She had parties, her kids had their friends round and met with people through lockdown as well as working in the hospital which is why I was so hesitant to see her)
She didn't take kindly to what I said and told me the virus is here forever so I need to just get used to it and let her see the kids and get on with life.
Her reaction really hurt me, it made me a wreck and I struggled badly with panic attacks as I just felt awful I felt so guilty for doing it.
She ended up blocking me on all social media and blocking my number, we didn't speak for months then I seen her in the supermarket and ended up talking again. The messaging and calls started again, then whenever I would go to my mum's she would just turn up, one incident where my daughter was in the bath in my mum's, my sister just went up and got her out the bath and started dressing her. It just tipped me over, it really wound me up that she did it I just felt so disrespected. then she started bringing her kids to my mum's when I was there and I just felt awful on my parents to the exposure they were getting, having so many people in the house, my daughter being in year 1, and her kids in school too. I told my mum that I was going to just limit how much I was going round as I just felt so worried for them with the virus they're 60 and dad has health issues. This obviously upset mum but I told her I didn't want to put her in a position where she had to choose between my sister and myself so I would just back away so my sister can go round and there won't be an argument. My mum spoke to my sister about it and said could we try and work something out so we're all happy but my sister again didn't take it well and told my mum she's more likely to get lung cancer the way she smokes than the virus, then we were all blocked again.
I've not seen her heard from my sister since sept last year untill today. She's recently been back in contact with my mum.
Today we went to my mum's for dinner and my sister turns up with her daughter.
She spoke to me Asif we were best friends we only seen each other yesterday. She asked me if I think we will be able to have a party for her birthday in june.
Since we haven't spoken I've been in contact with the GP again about my anxiety as it got really bad again after the second "argument" and I've been referred to counselling etc, but the past couple of months I've been doing so so we'll mentally, the panic attacks have stopped, I don't feel as shakey, my mindset has changed I feel when in not in contact with her like I'm free, I'm out of a controling relationship I feel like Ive got my children back, I feel like their mum again, I feel genuine happiness. I don't feel in the dark
I don't know what to do this time round now shes decided to start talking to me again. It's like today when she said about her birthday, that instant pressure and put on the spot questions I could feel the anxiety and panic starting. I'm scared that I'm going to go back to how I was, so low and down. I know that I can't talk to her as she won't listen to me she will just see it as I'm attacking her. I can't take another emotional beating off her though. I don't want to let my kids down but letting depression and anxiety take over me again.
If I do try talking to her how do I approach it. Do I even approach it or just carry on not talking? I'm at a crossroads and really just don't know what direction to take.