Uncomfortable with BFs friendship with a girl..

[lockdownbabyx]

My boyfriend and I are very much in love and have just moved in together, also we have just found out we are pregnant. We're both very happy..but his relationship with this girl is making me uncomfortable.

Bit of back story, my ex bf had this girl who he was close friends with, I never had an issue with it for over 2 years until I started to notice he was texting her all the time, would turn his phone away from me when he messaged her etc. Eventually I found out he had been cheating on me with her for about 6 months.

Now with my current boyfriend, I can't help but feel paranoid that he has a friend that is a girl, he is a gamer and so is she so they play together most evenings as well as some of his other guy friends. I've told him it does make me jealous and I have my insecurities that way but I'm trying to not let it affect us. He's of course said I have nothing to worry about and asked me to trust him. Now we were just watching a film together and he recorded a funny part of the film and sent it to someone on Snapchat, next to this persons name was an emoji that Indicates they are best friends on Snapchat, meaning that send things back and forth to each other a lot. I asked him who it was and he told me it's her. Now I feel incredibly jealous, upset, paranoid. I don't know what to do, I don't want to push him away but being jealous but because of my past relationship I can't help but feel this way 😭.

@percheron67 very helpful, thank you for your waste of time comment

Would he show you the messages? I can see why you're paranoid, if she's part of his everyday life.

@lifehack I would never ask to look at them, I don't want our relationship to come to that. But surely it's not fair for me to feel like this all the time either. He sent this video to her right in front of me, he wasn't hiding it which is good I suppose. But I still hate it 😔

Ask to meet her and hang out. I have loads of male friends and I would hate to lose them because their girlfriend was uncomfortable. Would much rather meet them and get to know them. It would suck if they stopped being my friend because they had a girlfriend

I agree with pp ask him to show you the messages to help put your mind at ease. Does he see her in RL or any they only friends online?

what emoji was next to her name?

Just wondering why he is using snapchat for everyday conversation.

@tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict I don't ever want to be that girlfriend that tells him he can't have female friends, I haven't and never would ask that.

@Tal45 he's known her for years but she lives over an hour away so they don't really see each other. But it's only been recently that's he seems to be speaking to her a lot or gaming with her more often. It isn't just her on her own, that I know of. It's her plus a few of his guy mate that all play together.

@Morgan12 was this emoji 😊. I don't know if it even is everyday, I think they just send funny videos to each other. He also sends them to his other mates. But she was the only one with the emoji next to her name so it Instantly got my back up.

Sorry, no. Adding her on Snapchat to message her directly goes beyond a casual gaming relationship. If she's pretty or you think she's his type, this would spell trouble for me.

Seriously?! So men are supposed to dump all their close female friends when they get a girlfriend? One of my best friends texts me regularly and is utterly head over heels in love with his new girlfriend. If she made that kind of demand he would be out the door. Because his romantic partner shouldn't be dictating who he is friends with. Nor would she because she is a grown up. I can't wait to meet her and I have no doubt we will get on.

How long have they been friends for? If its been a long time, say over 3 years I would think it's fine. If she's a new friend and he hasn't mentioned her much I'd be more suspicious.

[quote lockdownbabyx]@Morgan12 was this emoji 😊. I don't know if it even is everyday, I think they just send funny videos to each other. He also sends them to his other mates. But she was the only one with the emoji next to her name so it Instantly got my back up. [/quote]
I don't know what that emoji means. Just looks like a random postive happy emoji. I have no idea what most of them mean. It certainly doesn't mean she is anything other than a friend.

@tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict when did I say I would ever ask him to stop being friends with her? I have never said that to him and I never would ask that. I want to work on myself to get over the insecurities that I have.

[quote lockdownbabyx]@tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict when did I say I would ever ask him to stop being friends with her? I have never said that to him and I never would ask that. I want to work on myself to get over the insecurities that I have. [/quote]
Sorry I was responding to another poster. I should have made that clear.

That emoji means she is snapchat bestie. You can have that emoji with up to 8 people. If he only has it with her then he messages her the most out of his full friend list.

If that emoji changes to a yellow heart then that means he is her bestie too. Which he isn't just now.

And good for you for wanting to work on yourself. Personally I don't think this looks suspicious at all. He isn't hiding anything and he talks to her like his other mates. I think meeting her would be great as you could dedramatise it a bit. Good luck

If it helps, Snapchat shows the same emoji next to someone’s name even if I’ve only snapped them like twice!!

Meant to say *my Snapchat

[quote lockdownbabyx]@tellmetologoffIamaMNaddict when did I say I would ever ask him to stop being friends with her? I have never said that to him and I never would ask that. I want to work on myself to get over the insecurities that I have. [/quote]
Ok. Well start doing that

Start by some positive thinking each day. Start with some good affirmations.

Meditation helps too. Keeps you calm. Think about yourself how you think your parents. If you’re close. Think about you. So for example my mum and dad think I’m the best thing on earth. They would risk their lives for me. Would do anything for me

Start by reasoning that you go into a relationship with the innocent till proven guilty way of thinking. Has he done anything to make you feel this way. (Regardless of any previous relationships). How does he treat you. What does he do that good for you?

What does he do. That you don’t like. Then address it.

Write down point to point. Which points do you find the hardest. And why? Is it completely due to the last relationship?

Write down the gold things. What do you love about yourself. If you had to sell yourself. How would you do so? How would your best friend talk about you?

So for example. My husband says to me one of the things he finds so attractive about me is how I wouldn’t stand for any shit. He said he knows he’d be out the door in the shot if he ever broke my trust in anyway I deemed not acceptable. We know exactly what is and what is t acceptable and I don’t budge. He gets one shot. That’s it. Are you similar. What’s you ok. I could forgive that. What’s your I couldn’t forgive that for a billion pounds. Talk about (what I call fine lines) fine lines. Exactly what you would find acceptable. So you both know what you would find acceptable.

Hth to start.