Hi
This is a brief rundown of what’s happening in my life, any advice would be appreciated thank you.
From day one my wife has lied to me in some form
or another, Iv seen texts to other friends saying she could do better etc, so doubt set in. When my mum was dying I nursed her at home and myself and my wife had been together a year at that point, during that time she became a bit obsessed with looking up her ex, this went on for a good few months and I found out so obviously I felt pretty betrayed at an already tough time. I asked her if she still had feelings for her and she denied this saying she was just being nosey. I wasn’t convinced but gave her the benefit of the doubt. It took a year before she finally admitted that she did in fact have feelings for her, she told me this 2 days after my step father committed suicide so again another really crap time to be dealing with stuff... we broke up for a few months then tried to work it out, after a few more very painful years I thought she had finally changed even though my feelings for her hadnt been the same for a long time, I ignored all of the warning signs and convinced myself that my feelings would come back and we both felt that we were in a better place and wanted to get married, on the day of our wedding she got very drunk and admitted having feelings for one of her close friends, they had been friends for 5 years and I had never met her but she was asked by my wife to come to the wedding. My wife got pretty wasted and it came out in the day that she had strong feelings for this woman and had been hiding it for years, meeting up all of the time, sending each other very affectionate texts etc obviously I was gutted and realised that I had made a huge mistake. My feelings for her had been tested over the years and I knew I didn’t feel as strongly about her but tried to ignore that. When I found out everything in the day it was devastating but mostly because I felt completely foolish.
What followed after that was lie after lie and each time she lied about it my feelings got less and less until I knew I had no feeling left so I finished it for good, it’s not a decision that Iv ever regretted or wanted to go back on, but like a lot of people do, she then all of a sudden was very sorry because she knew she had lost me. Then when I agreed to try again yet another lie would emerge. I’m so confused right now and I know it probably seems clear as day to other people but I guess I keep hoping things will change, she even swore on my dead parents grave before the wedding that she wasn’t lying, that’s been the most painful thing to process.