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Original poster

Fwb opinion

24 replies

Lilye88 · 14/03/2021 12:41

Somebody please tell me I’m not the only woman in the world who doesn’t like “friends with benefits”. I’m 32 single and never had a fwb or one night stand, but why is it men online all want fwb? Am I being really silly in thinking there are decent men out there or is it what all men want? Sorry just feeling deflated today!

OP posts:
EarthSight · 14/03/2021 14:42

In my opinion a lot of men go online for arrangements, not relationships. They're there to try their luck, wether they're in relationships or not. They're basically going fishing.

Also, a lot of stable men who want commitment and who aren't Peter Pans might have already settled down in their late 20s.

ravenmum · 14/03/2021 15:04

Better for them to say they are looking for FWB, isn't it? That way they'll find a woman who wants a FWB too, and both will get what they want. That's what a decent man would do. A man who wasn't decent would lie about what he wanted.

SortingItOut · 14/03/2021 15:46

Some women also only want FWB.
At least the men are being honest. I was on dating sites to find an FWB and it worked great.
I only wanted FWB as I was out of a really long marriage and was so mentally drained after that I knew I didn't want a conventional relationship but wanted sex with someone who I could also chat to.

There are men out there who want more.
Which dating sites are you using?

HollowTalk · 14/03/2021 15:53

I think a lot of those men who say they want a FWB actually just want sex, not a friend. A lot seem to think the woman would like to hear about their other relationships, too. Maybe that's what they mean by friendship.

Wanderlusto · 14/03/2021 15:55

Really? I find most just want sex on tap without the 'friend' element or worse, they want you to fall in love with them whilst they shag about. Either they want their ego stroked... or their dick.

I've yet to meet a man who actually wants friend with benefits.

More likely the problem you actually have is attracting decent men. Which I'm sure is struggle everyone has at times in their life.

Eckhart · 14/03/2021 16:05

Are you really saying that 100% of the men on the site you're on want FWB?

Are you on FWB.com or something?

Why don't you wait until lockdown opens up, and do some short courses or go on walking tours or join groups, meet new people that way?

People online just want 1 thing; a relationship (of some sort) It's better to meet somebody who has a similar interest to you, and just happens to be single.

Meetup.com's good. They've got quite a lot of online groups at the moment, you could try a few out from your sofa. See if anyone catches your eye...

Eckhart · 14/03/2021 16:06

That said *Meetup.com is good, until I pressed 'post' Smile

RosieGuacamosie · 14/03/2021 16:09

@Wanderlusto

Really? I find most just want sex on tap without the 'friend' element or worse, they want you to fall in love with them whilst they shag about. Either they want their ego stroked... or their dick.

I've yet to meet a man who actually wants friend with benefits.

More likely the problem you actually have is attracting decent men. Which I'm sure is struggle everyone has at times in their life.

This. They often say they want a “friend” with benefits when really they just want sex on tap from someone they don’t have to give anything to emotionally.
SortingItOut · 14/03/2021 17:51

@Wanderlusto As with all men on dating sites you do have to wade through what they actually mean by FWB, sometimes they mean FB rather than FWB.

I found okcupid great for men who actually wanted FWB.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/03/2021 17:53

but why is it men online all want fwb?

Don't kid yourself. These men have absolutely no interest in friendship. They want a strings free fuck and that's it.

lifehack · 14/03/2021 18:05

You're not the only one, I would hate fwb nsa or whatever else they decide a sex only relationship is called. To be fair though a lot of men do have in their profile that they are only looking for something casual, I don't think every one is like it, some do want a relationship and the test is are they willing to date you after lockdown for a while before suggesting you go back to each other's houses. Stick to your standards and have a lot of patience and hopefully you'll find what your looking for.

Marineboy67 · 14/03/2021 18:16

Definitely not the only one that doesn't do it, I'm a man in my early 50's. I've never had a one night stand or a friend with benefits. I'm no mug and have had enough chances to do so, however the thought of it is just to casual for me. I guess each to their own.

Original poster
Lilye88 · 14/03/2021 18:48

Thanks for your replies. It’s definitely the men I attract, or the men in my area! Hopefully things will improve once we’re released!

OP posts:
Givemeabreak88 · 14/03/2021 18:51

They want fuck buddies not friends with benefits, they don’t want the friendship.

highlightsonlyplease · 14/03/2021 18:52

You have to be clear with what you want.
I agree most guys who say they are looking for a FWB are really looking for a FB who they can moan to,and get dinner cooked for them as well.

Keep your standards high, don't compromise on the things you actually want and keep looking until you find someone worth your time and effort.

(I should listen to my own advice!)Grin

Weirdly, despite being a bit of a mess myself and not very good at maintaining boundaries I've found a few decent guys online - none I've actually gone on to have a relationship with, but they have given me hope that there is some gold in the shit heap.

bebo7 · 14/03/2021 19:05

FWB/FB - it’s just words with the same meaning to men. Men don’t need female friends. They just need them to fuck.

Original poster
Lilye88 · 14/03/2021 19:22

I do keep my standards high......never had a ONS or FB and start to intend having them haha I am pretty clear that I’m not into that (call me strange I know) but the men seem to be very persistent. I clearly wasn’t born for dating in this era haha

OP posts:
AnnieWilkes1 · 14/03/2021 21:55

Yes most that say they want FWB just want a the benefits part.
But a lot of men who say they want a relationship just want sex but don't want to admit that.

It's a minefield but it is possible to navigate through. I was only looking for a fwb and it took me a while to find someone who also wanted the same. Only problem being that we fell in love with each other! (I'm NOT recommending a fwb as a way to a relationship!).

There are men out there looking for the same as you, you just have to sift through the bs to find them.

ravenmum · 15/03/2021 11:50

It's not strange to prefer long-term relationships, and it's not lowering your standards to want something casual. Those are two different things that people might want at different times in their lives. After I got divorced, for example, I knew I did not want to move straight in with another partner after 20+ years with the last one. So I needed a partner who was not looking for someone to move in with. That doesn't mean that I went round sleeping with different men left, right and centre. It still meant choosing a partner very carefully - making sure that they were on the same page as me. That's what dating is about, whether you want something casual or serious.

Original poster
Lilye88 · 15/03/2021 13:18

I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I’m not bothered about other peoples standards etc just wish I had more courage to sleep around haha I guess it would be nice to meet a decent bloke at times. Hope everyone has a positive OLD experience :)

OP posts:
ravenmum · 15/03/2021 16:30

Just don't less yourself be put off by the fact that lots of people on OLD want something different to you. It's not because you're weird or old-fashioned; it's because there are loads of random people on OLD, all at different stages in their lives, wanting different things and bringing different things with them. If you went out into the street now and started chatting up random men you'd find the same thing. It's not like a social situation, with friends or at work, where you're more likely to meet people who are similar to you.

ravenmum · 15/03/2021 16:34

And yes, there are decent blokes out there. I had one relationship for just over a year that was really just for fun, and liked it so much that I looked for something similar the next time. But the second guy I selected actually turned out to be worth hanging around with a bit longer.

Original poster
Lilye88 · 15/03/2021 18:09

@ravenmum thank make so much sense. I haven’t got the best of ex’s - I attracted wrong ones and friends always give the same advice so sometimes it’s an outsider perspective is better. I wont worry I’m being a prude then haha

OP posts:
DanielMark94 · 02/06/2021 20:20

Hi Everyone, 27 years old and been single for two years (not been with anyone) even though I'm a bloke I don't do ONS as I have traditional values, tbh missing the intimacy that goes with Dating/Relationships happy to date anyone with kids and I don't mind dating someone older 27-40.

Hope I don't sound desperate (just seeing if anyone is in the same boat as me and wants to date? x

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