Rewriting history?

[happynewusername]

My sister seems to recall a completely different childhood to me!

She's on anti depressants and having counselling and struggling with life.

Our parents split when we were 9 and 10, when Mum met someone else (the first of many), and our mother was vile towards our Dad for years and years.

My sister seems to have "sided" with Mum and despite our Mum doing the bare minimum of parenting, and Dad stepping up and doing a lot of the donkey work as well as working hard and providing for us and encouraging us.

I just wonder what harm this false loyalty is doing to her? And why she insists on not seeing things as they are and as they were?

I'm wondering why it matters to you that she has the same narrative as yourself?

Me and my brother would have a different take on our childhood. It doesn't bother me- that's his recollection of his life.

Sounds like your dad did a great job, and took on the role that many single mothers often have to burden.

I'd let it go it I were you.

@happynewusername

My sister seems to recall a completely different childhood to me!

She's on anti depressants and having counselling and struggling with life.

Our parents split when we were 9 and 10, when Mum met someone else (the first of many), and our mother was vile towards our Dad for years and years.

My sister seems to have "sided" with Mum and despite our Mum doing the bare minimum of parenting, and Dad stepping up and doing a lot of the donkey work as well as working hard and providing for us and encouraging us.

I just wonder what harm this false loyalty is doing to her? And why she insists on not seeing things as they are and as they were?

Perhaps she identifies / is a bit like your Mom.

From your description it seems your Mom had a toxicity to her. Whilst very wrong such people are very manipulative and can be quite enticing I imagine if you are struggling in your own life (in this case your Sister). However, the dynamics in this situation are unlikely to play out well and may change in time.

My DH is one of 4. He has anxiety, and one of the things that came out in counselling was that he was physically and emotionally abused as a child by his father. His father was strict and no different to many men of the time ,and that’s how my DH saw his father.
When my DH has this conversation with one of his sisters she was shocked and said that none of it happened, that he’d made it up.
I think that we’re all individuals and see the same situation differently.
Funnily enough this same sister was assaulted by her father when he was elderly.

Perhaps your DM parented your sister more/better than she parented you, and you never noticed.
Everyone has a different reality, No matter how close they are.

Memory is a construct, not a factually accurate record. Me and my siblings also remember things differently. We call it having parallel childhoods.
I’d try to accept that you have different points of view OP.

What everyone else said. You didn't have the same childhood as your sister just because you lived together. You weren't in her head so really can't know how she experienced it. Also getting therapy to deal with relationship dynamics and talking about your parents as part of that process isn't disloyal.

Sorry I misread your post so ignore my last sentence.

Its called the Social Construction of Reality. My older sister clearly lived with different parents in a different household to me. I’ve stopped trying to persuade her otherwise.

My young sister has a completely different recollection of our childhood. We were treated quite differently by our parents, step mum and were massively different children in terms of her being the outgoing, outspoken popular one and I was very quiet to everyone except immediate family and the wallflower type.
Our stepmum was abusive to me and never towards my sister. We lived under the same roof and my sister struggles with my version of reality. It happens.