Hello,
This will be pretty long! I would really appreciate some advice.
My dw and I have unfortunately had problems with sex for a number of years now. The recent addition of a one year old and general Covid stress hasn't helped matters, but we have been regularly talking about it and both want it to change (which is a positive thing) and the main issue is that neither of us feel able to 'let go' and fully relax around each other sexually. In our discussions about this and other areas of our relationship it's become clear that this lack of trust and unwillingness to kind of 'emotionally commit' to the other is not just in the bedroom - the sex problem is a symptom rather than a cause - so there is something to work on there, but as a first step we are both on the same page about wanting to relax more and make our sex life more fulfilling for both of us as a start. But 'relaxing' is easier said than done in this situation, especially when it feels to both of us like there is so much at stake. I should add that splitting up over this, for me at least, absolutely isn't on the cards.
So I suppose the question is - does anyone have any tips for how we can just take the pressure off a bit? We're both very keen to make this work so I'm open to any advice. Unfortunately my dw doesn't drink for medical reasons so the glass of wine approach isnt on the cards...
(I'm fully aware that there are underlying reasons for us not really emotionally trusting each other, which are probably too long to go into here (summary - we are both very afraid of being taken advantage of, and we have always over compensated in terms of making sure our relationship and parenting is fully equal, which while a good thing also means that we are over sensitive about anything upsetting the 50-50 balance of domestic life). But we have talked and agreed that if we can at least start enjoying sex, it will make it easier to address the other problems).