Sister is divorced but 11 year old dd doesn’t know yet!

[runforcover]

My sister has just got divorced, she’s living with her ex still. Her 11 year old daughter doesnt know ..... and yet they will be the ones moving out in around 6 weeks. And to top it all she has a new girlfriend (doesn’t bother me at all but will be a shock to dd ) and the dd doesn’t have a clue. I think it’s wrong and will cause issues with her daughter down the line - the lies etc... thoughts please xxxx

Too many questions so little time.
Bottom line, this girl is going to question the childhood she thought she knew and understood.

I know someone who is married (over two years now) and none of her family, including her two children (7 and 10) know.

I think like you that this will cause huge issues with the children as it is bound to come out sometime.

Why on earth is no-one telling the 11yr old what is going on? Are they just going to announce it all on the day of moving out? Yeah, that poor child will be screwed up.

And if the 11 year old wants to stay with the husband ( who I’m assume is either her dad or has raised her as if he was)?

That's terrible! Is she planning on telling her when they are packing?! She needs time to process this before they leave. Your sister needs to tell her now, not necessarily that they have already divorced, that's too much but she needs to know that have split and that they are moving out. The fact her mum has a girlfriend needs to come out way down the line.

One of the most badly unsettled boys I taught went through something similar; in his case, father disappeared off the scene (I think he was accustomed to Daddy having long trips away for work, so not immediately bothered) and Mum didn't get around to breaking the news for nearly a year that this was a permanent parting of the ways.
I've seen other pupils weather that particular storm, sadly, but they cope better when they have the situation explained to them, obviously in an age-appropriate way, and trusted adults at school can offer support.
This set of circumstances led to a deep distrust of most adults, unsurprisingly and the fallout was not good; academic work took a nosedive, and erratic behaviour was not helped by his attempts to blunt the edges with cannabis use.....

Not telling the 11 year old about this is obviously a terrible idea.
That poor child is going to have a massive shock when this all comes out.

Your sister sounds very selfish. That poor girl is gonna be hit with a triple whammy,!! Your sister and her ex need to sit down n tell there daughter everything calmly and sensitively ASAP,!!

Why have they not told her?

I would tell your sister to speak to her daughter or you will. It may be unpopular advice but I wouldn’t want to damage my relationship with my niece because of her mother’s terrible parenting.

I can't disagree with any of these replies, I totally totally agree, I've talked to her and I'm shut down, told it's not my business, not my child etc. I'm dumbfounded at the behaviour and wondered if it was just me! The thing is she goes and stays overnight too then comes hone and plays happy families!! I just don't get it???

@runforcover by looks / sounds of it all you can do is be there for your niece if / when she needs you,!! ( and she probably will be in more need of various forms of support than your sister ) And try not to fallout with your sister in the meantime..