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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I really want to be a better person any tips?

3 replies

Smitten1 · 13/03/2021 20:39

I am a 36 year old female..5 years ago i split from my childrens father it was very messy he took the house and i ended up homeless with the children. I had a mental breakdown. I started my life over again i met a lovely man who is amazing and i have moved to a different area and i rent a house now etc..when i first met my new man i was still depressed and he is very positive and he got me through it he made me have fun again and laugh again and my life was so happy. I was a lovely person, i did lots with my children, i did lots for my boyfriend, i got along with his 2 children i never said a bad word about anyone. Roll on 2 years later and i dont know whats happened to me i am a conpletely different person and i hate myself. I lost my job and started having money problems my depression came back. All the bills were coming in and i wasnt earning any money to pay them..universal credit helped a little but i still needed to work as obvs it doesnt pay all the bills etc. I got a courier job which was great fitted around school hours and earnt a little bit if money but i kept on having car problems every month it was something different and had to keep paying out for my car to be fixed..it really got me down..i was having bad anxiety attacks and would shout and be horrible to my boyfriend for no reason just because i was stressed out. This has been now an ongoing issue..coronavirus came and again i struggled with money..whats happened now though is ive become a horrible person. I shout at my boyfriend and i keep ending the relationship all the time when im stressed out. Ive said out of order thing to his kid sthat i dont mean( when i say kids they are 24 and 19) but its affected my relationship with them aswell.. ive stopped doing things for him, i find i have no empathy for anyone apart from my kids or any interest in anything. I cant be bothered with people and have lost friends because of this. When i get stressed out and shout at my boyfriend for it he tells me i am a horrible person and that i have ruined him the past year with my eratic moodswings..this makes me feel very depressed the thing is i know he is right i know what i am doing is wrong. I really want to be the person i was and im so upset and angry with myself. I am having over the phone therapy but i dont feel like i am getting anywhere. I need to change fast if i dont i am going to ruin everything i have. I am not like this with my children they are my world i just seem to take everything out on my boyfriend and his kids..anyone got any ideas how i can take control of this xxxx

OP posts:
Windmillwhirl · 13/03/2021 21:15

You've had a really tough time and are lashing out. You know that's not right so at least you have awareness and want to stop this behaviour.

Have you thought about the way treating your partner badly makes him feel?

What are you doing about your depression? And is there anything you can do about the financial situation? Having a bit of control over both those things will go a long way towards you feeling safe and secure in yourself.

Dervel · 13/03/2021 21:33

Look into therapy, honestly starting out with a genuine and sincere desire for self improvement is as rare as rocking horse shit in this world so kudos for that.

If you want an unqualified suggestion examine the root of your anger. Repressed anger births depression, and where most of us go wrong is we look at anger as unacceptable when it is only angry acts we need to curtail. Allow yourself the full spectrum of your feelings and work towards and eventually trust yourself to manage them.

Kelly345 · 13/03/2021 21:57

Look at what is fixable for now and try to fix it if you can. Even if too much has been said a meaningful sorry is a start. Then commit to therapy.

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