Please: I need help to be strong

[Redderhead2]

Going into the details would be such a long email so in a nutshell:
I fell for a guy at work years ago, and it all developed into a pseudo relationship. There were reasons we couldn't be together but had regular nights out etc. We were intimate but only a handful of times.
Many of the "reasons" are no longer an issue but he now says that there was a time he wanted to be with me and it was fated that it did not work out at that time, Now he doesn't want a relationship with me. He still welcomes my company and text messages etc and I guess he sees "us" as good friends. I am not strong enough to stay away but know I need to as the whole thing is making me completely insane. I am in love with him and am struggling that he doesn't want to be with me in a relationship. Other factors which could be the reason for no relationship are still in place (he lives at home with elderly parents and is their carer). All encompassing career.
I know I should block all contact but I just don't seem strong enough to be able to do that. I would miss his friendship and nights out (when we can again) so how do i maintain emotional distance? do I have to cut him off to save my sanity?

He has supported me through the above - he was the one i called the day my dad died and he waited around for me, and spent time with me etc. There are other things I haven't mentioned above, things that would be counted as the top few life stressors, and he has been a support. Just being there, nights out, taking my mind off things etc. I've given him a hard time too (justified in my opinion but as i say, questioning my own judgment). I shall keep plodding on trying to salvage my sanity and ideally without the negative effect he can have on it. It's not his fault. He just doesn't want me. It's probably because he is trying to support me that he has tolerated the rubbish too.

I need to be able to "go" somewhere and have my choices validated and any weakness strengthened. Not because that has to be external, but because I am questioning my judgment of people. of situations and my choices in a way I have never had to do before

You need to be able to go to you to have your choices validated. But that's not the same as wanting some support. It's good that you've posted; it sounds like you're having a really tough time, and there is support here.

The lack of good parenting that affects your attachment style... you know you can change that? You can re-parent yourself. Nothing is fixed in stone.

“You can re-parent yourself. Nothing is fixed in stone“

Thank you Eckhart, wise words, for sure!

I’ve been working on re-parenting myself for years and felt I had done a pretty good job until now. But I am now feeling a little overwhelmed by everything and hope for the future is really hard to see.

But I will continue working towards contentment and getting through the emotional trauma of this “relationship”. Ideally coming to terms with that will solve my insomnia !!! Lack of sleep does not help logical thinking and strength of mind in these situations!