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Original poster

OLD virgin!

23 replies

awishes · 13/03/2021 19:04

Hello first time on dating site, mid 50s. Is it normal not to exchange messages? Straight to phone?
Thanks

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Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 19:04

That's online dating virgin, not old virgin!!!

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BlueDaysTillChristmas · 13/03/2021 19:06

No. Stick to messaging on the app.

Cheesypea · 13/03/2021 19:07

No lots of messages usually

dementedmum33 · 13/03/2021 19:08

No not normal, be wary as it could be a scammer.

SortingItOut · 13/03/2021 19:08

Message on the app for a few days/week or so and if you feel comfortable you can move to whatsapp or whatever.

Do not give out your number to strangers from OLD.

Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 19:16

Thought so. Thank you!
I'm glad I haven't lost my instinct for what's off, despite being single forever.
Thank you.
Will delete this now you've confirmed

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Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 19:24

Edit, didn't realise I can't delete but thank you for those who commented.

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BlueDaysTillChristmas · 13/03/2021 19:26

When you’ve been on them for a bit longer your sense of what is/isn’t normal will be better, I was like this at first.

Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 19:33

@BlueDaysTillChristmas
What's their motivation, how do you ever find anyone genuine?

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BlueDaysTillChristmas · 13/03/2021 19:56

@awishes I think it’s just a numbers thing. You have to realise that OLD as a concept is flawed. You need to see how a man moves, his expressions, his smell, his way of being, his unspoken stuff, to know if you have any interest in him. Then it might not be the good looking ones you are attracted to, it’s the kind ones who smile all won lily or reach out to put a hand on someone’s shoulder when they’re suffering etc. You can’t get that from a photo and a paragraph on OLD.

So it’s numbers, write to men, let them write back and meet up and just be patient.

SortingItOut · 13/03/2021 19:57

@awishes With great difficulty.
Its all about having good boundaries and knowing whats acceptable to you, as soon as a red flag appears or even an amber one you unmatch or delete.

You need to think about what you are looking for and what you want in a man and go from there.
If a man you're chatting to is a smoker and you dont want to date a smoker then you can end the chat, no need to chat out of politeness or because you're worried no one else has matched with you.

BlueDaysTillChristmas · 13/03/2021 19:57

I didn’t really answer your question other than vaguely saying ‘numbers’.

You’ll sense when someone is genuine in the same way as if you met them at a dinner party.

SortingItOut · 13/03/2021 19:59

Also look out for lovebombing and try to meet for a walk within the first week if you're keen.
No point wasting weeks chatting in case you dont like them in person.

You're welcone to join us over on the Dating Thread.

Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 20:12

Thank you. I'm disappointed because is the first one I've felt a spark with but determined to trust my instinct.
Will look at the OLD thread but frightened it will depress me!!

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Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 20:16

And I was right, he's become rude because I didn't want to talk just yet.

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Treacletoots · 13/03/2021 20:17

Lower your expectations OP
Tolerate NO Shit. Not even a tiny bit
If something seems off, it definitely is
Raise your self respect, and cut off anyone immediately who isn't impeccably behaved.

Good luck. To be fair I found nothing but hassle, but I've heard it can work for some..

Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 20:20

@Treacletoots
Thanks!

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Whenthesunshines · 13/03/2021 20:32

Good luck OP but remember, if anyone asks you for ANY money - even in 6,12,18, 24 months time... even if things are going 'great' SAY NO!
I've been watching that scammed programme on BBC obvs! Grin

Original poster
awishes · 13/03/2021 20:37

Crikey, I have barely enough money to live on so I'm not giving any to anyone online! Thank you!

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BlueDaysTillChristmas · 13/03/2021 21:40

‘And I was right, he's become rude because I didn't want to talk just yet.’

See, if you met in person I think you would have picked up on this sooner. It’s normal to miss this when all you have is words on a screen, don’t feel disheartened.

KylieKoKo · 13/03/2021 23:04

I thought this was going to be a thread about you being worried that a potential partner was still a virgin Smile

crystalcherry87 · 14/03/2021 08:05

I met my husband on OLD a few years back. Generally if I seemed to hit it off with someone and the messages were flowing, we would move over to WhatsApp quite quickly as it was easier than logging in and out of the app. I think phone calls are important too but I get why some people don't want them straight away. I think you learn more about them by having a proper conversation rather than just words on a screen. You can always just block them if they turn out to be not genuine or they start being a nuisance.

Original poster
awishes · 14/03/2021 09:39

Thank you that's a positive! Yes I can block, it's all so strange.
It was hard enough in real life 30 years ago.

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