A long time ago

[Secretsquirrelsbuddy]

I fell pregnant very young. 14.

My mum had just died and me and my boyfriend had gone out and got very drunk. Well you know the rest. He vanished not long later and i raised my son for many years on my own till i met my partner years later and had my daughter.

I am not sure why i am writing this but i feel so much was taken from mE
When i fell pregnant my mum laid down the rules and i had no choice but to obey
She picked my childs name
She picked my pram
I was never alone with my baby
If i went out she phoned and phoned
She picked clothes etc etc

I left when my child was 2 but i feel so much was stolen. This was many years ago so dont know why these emotions have stirred now.

Sorry, op, but your post doesn't make sense. Your mum died, you got pregnant, yet your mum controlled everything regarding your baby?

Sorry my mistake wastrying to get it all down. My dad died. I no longerspeak to my mum and its her i feel more pain over.

Sorry i feel silly as this was many years ago and i really dont Know what i am looking for. Me and my mum havent spoke for many years and i have since had another child who i named, raised etc. Bothmy children are happy as am i but i just feel i missed out on something but not sure what

Hey Secretsquirrel. It sounds to me like you need to grieve, for your dad, but also your youth and the time/closeness you feel you lost with the baby. I suggest finding a therapist that you can talk to about all of this, it's a lot to deal with at such a young age, while having a non-supportive mother too.

@Amiable thankyou
At the time it was a case of needsmust to keep a roof over our heads and food in our bellies, but now i hear so many woman talking about grandparents not meeting baby for a week etc which i think is amazing and of course the woman's choice and I just feel gosh i missed all those rights.

I know i should feel grateful that i kept my child but i just feel like i never had my first born. When I had mysecond it was very much my second child and although my child was much loved its verydifferent witha second.

Have you tried counselling to help you come to terms with your regrets / loss? I'm not sure what other advice to give. You can't change the past but you could maybe change how you feel about it.

I completely get what you're saying. Although different circumstances i had something similar with my last child. Suffered with severe PND due the circumstances and i was just like a passive observer in my childs life. I feel that the opportunity to enjoy the pregnancy, birth and early months were taken away from me, something I can never get back.

@pabloescobarselasticband thank you
That is exactly how I feel. An observer to my child’s early years. I love him dearly but every time I say his name I know I never choose it. I know I never held him without eyes, etc etc

@pabloescobarselasticband thank you
That is exactly how I feel. An observer to my child’s early years. I love him dearly but every time I say his name I know I never choose it. I know I never held him without eyes, etc etc

It sounds like you never got the chance to have your youth and dealt with such a lot of pressure at that time. Sometimes these things can creep up after many years and cause a lot of pain. Have you ever thought about speaking to someone about how you are feeling? You already started on here and were very brave. Sometimes just getting things out of our own head can make a difference

@Secretsquirrelsbuddy i never chose my youngest name either. Sometimes I feel that ive managed to come to terms with it and other times not so much! It didn't help that i was persuaded to be sterilised during his birth and i am very resentful that i can never do it again properly if that makes sense. I think maybe councilling or therapy of some sort may help you come to terms with what happened.

Yes you got pregnant at 14. But you were also too young to consent. This was child abuse. You need counselling and therapy to address the start, the abuse from your mother, your dad's death etc.

You were still a child I guess. So your mum maybe took it as her responsibility to raise your child until you were an adult?

It must have been tough for your mum to have lost her husband and then to find her child pregnant.

Marketing and the media makes it look like having a baby is so romantic. But in reality there is a lot of hard work, compromise and sacrifice. With my first child I was dealing with money worries and a cheating partner. With my other children I was dealing with a jealous and controlling man who didn't lift a finger to help.

I didn't choose one of my kids names.