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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unwanted sexual contact

5 replies

NatalieMaunders · 13/03/2021 17:44

When I was 12 I was abused by my step father. Fast forward 25 years and I have 6 children and been with my partner for 18 years. 3 years ago I went to the police about what happened to me when I was younger and the person in question is now in prison. Since the court case I have only been able to have sex with my partner a handful of times as my mental health has suffered bad, but I don’t think my partner is listening to me. 3 times I have just let him have sex to keep the peace and on countless occasions he just gropes me while I’m sleeping, has even taken the odd picture of me. Thing is, I’m on some heavy meds to help me (I have complex ptsd, depression) that I sleep through when he starts and wake up while he’s touching me. Last night I woke up to him standing over the bed and he was lifting my underwear away when he saw me look at him, he had a go at me saying I’m taking too much of the bed !!!! It frightens me but feel it’s my fault as I’m not giving him enough sex. I don’t know what to believe any more.

OP posts:
Anotheruser02 · 13/03/2021 17:50

he is a pig and an abuser sleeping people can't consent. you need to make plans to leave him if you want to recover.

Spinachsarah · 13/03/2021 17:52

Op this is wrong, if you’re asleep you can’t consent.

nocoolnamesleft · 13/03/2021 17:52

I am sorry that another person is now abusing you. He knows that you are not consenting, and he carries on anyway. What would you tell your best friend to do in that position?

Ruminating2020 · 13/03/2021 17:53

Sorry op but your partner is abusing you and then deflecting blame when you catch him in the act. He is not respecting your wishes and at this time, he should be supportive towards you.

Bonster37 · 13/03/2021 17:56

I got the shivers reading this. How dare he? I understand the lack of sex can lead to frustration but why can’t he sort himself out? I think you should stop having sex you do not want and start getting angry. Having sex while you are asleep is sexual abuse and your partner likely knows this and be prepared for him to blame you if you call him on it. You have already been through so much that you should not put up with this. If he doesn’t accept what he is doing wrong, then he really needs to go.

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