What to do when the ex just won't go away?

[charlieginger1987]

Hey everyone, just after some opinions / advice really.

I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 years. For the last 2, his ex fiancée has constantly got in touch with him. He broke it off in 2015, she moved 300 miles away, and they haven't seen each other since. They've both had a few relationships of their own since. I think her most recent one must have ended around the same time she started pinging my boyfriend again.

He's just had to block her this week on the last social media channel. It wasn't something he ever wanted to do as he found it petty, but she just kept getting in touch. Whether it was flirty comments on his insta, comments on a picture of me, or getting in touch with him directly to tell him about things she'd done at work, all the way through to very personal messages about the state of her mental health, how often he comes up in therapy etc. She's asked him personal questions about what he thinks of me, she's told him to look after me more than he did her, she's asked whether we want children etc, which frankly I don't think is her business to ask. The last straw came the other day when she messaged him again, asking him to be a reference for adoption. He said he's happy to do it if needed but said he wasn't sure how they would get in touch as he no longer lives at the address she has for him. She then did a classic "oh don't worry about it I just thought I'd ask". It felt more like she just wanted to tell him she was in a place in her life to adopt. Any big life moment, she seems to want to get in touch to tell him. He's had enough of it all and now blocked her.

However she's now got in touch with my boyfriends sister.

How do we get her to leave him alone?!

Thank you
Xxx

’It wasn't something he ever wanted to do as he found it petty’

Right.

I’m glad for you that he’s finally blocked her but the fact that he let it go on for two years suggests he was getting something from her contacting him, even if it was just an ego boost.

He has to ignore her, including ignoring any contact she has with his sister. If his sister doesn’t want contact with her, she is also free to ignore it. It only becomes a problem when she starts to contact people in his life discussing him, at which point he can consult a solicitor with a cease and desist (if that’s still what they’re called)

Ignore her. Problem solved.

Hey Nightbear, thanks for your reply. You make a very good point and I'll speak to him to see what he says to this. Everytime she did get in contact, he didn't reply, but only on the odd occasion all he would say is that he is not interested in being in contact with her, and that he was happy with me now. I've seen the messages as he's been open with me about it. I think one of the reasons he didn't originally block her on everything was because they shared a cat together (which now lives with us) and so I guess he kept the channel of communication open in case the cat was poorly or anything like that.

I think you make a good point tho, I'll see what he thinks to that

Well be is obviously encouraging it. He told her he would be a reference to help her adopt. Sorry op but you seem to be under the impression that this is one sided. Is that what he is telling you? Is she 'the crazy ex' whenever it suits him for her to be.

He has done literally nothing yo get her to leave him alone. Infact he has actively encouraged her to stay in touch.

All he needs to do is be an actual grown up and a decent human being (who isnt a pussy) and say 'hey, sorry I'm really not interested in staying in touch. I wish you all the best but do not contact me again'.

It's not rocket science.
He is taking you for a fool.

Best case scenario he was still concerned for her (you’ve mentioned counselling). If that’s the case then it doesn’t sound like contact with him has helped her move on.