Gambling

[amugsgame]

Looking for some advice please. My partner is a gambler

For context partner and I have been
Together for 7 years. Not married. We have a small child. We own our house 50/50 and pay mortgage and bills 50/50. We both work. We have a joint account for bills but separate current accounts. I have my own savings account too. S

He has a good job and salary but I am the higher earner. I pay all the childcare costs and he tends to pay for stuff when we're out which for last year is not much more than coffee here and there

Currently I earn more than double his earnings but I am self employed so that could change any time. In the last 12 months I have saved considerably and religiously put as much as I can away. I assumed he was too because our outgoings have reduced a lot: no social life or commuting costs. He was also made redundant 18 months ago and received a lump sum of money plus he found a new job fairly quickly

In theory, he could have decent sum in the bank of around £20k

I have always known he likes to gamble but never worried very much as he has always been able to pay bills and I thought he played with small amounts he can afford to lose.

So in summary; we are not rich but comfortable. I found a letter today confirming a £3k personal loan. It had been torn up into pieces and stuffed inside his coat pocket. I found it by accident.

Upon questioning he confessed that this is a second loan and he has a total of £8k debt having spent the last 12 months gambling online. The latest loan is to cover living costs for the next couple of months and to maintain the lie that he has money in the bank. He is ashamed and said he has really suffered the last year with depression although outwardly he seems happy enough.

We need to speak further away from the child, when he's asleep tonight. I didn't want to have it out fully with little one there

What can I do to help him and what can he do to help himself? I can clear his debts myself but I don't want to do that as I feel that would get him off the hook. I wonder if he's being 100% honest and if there are more loans or credit cards he hasn't told me about.

Is it possible for somebody like this to change or will it get worse? I don't think he plays with massive amounts. He bets on football and small amounts at a time but that has added up over the year. So although the debt is only £8k (apparently) he's obviously spent a lot more than this in total.

My SIL was with a gambler and the cycle is never ending. It was the lie after lie that she found so tough. Even when the evidence was right in front of him he would deny/minimise everything. He raided his children’s savings, sold their electrical stuff in secret, was getting cash back with the weekly shopping so she wouldn’t see it as a cash withdrawal on the bank statement etc. Every couple of years he’d go to therapy, beg her forgiveness and promise to stop. It never lasted. She should never have tolerated it for as long as she did and I felt so sorry for her and their daughter. Eventually he left her for someone else. They sold their home and he’s gambled away all the money he got from the house sale. Very few addicts ever truly change.

He will not change, all you can do is change how you react to him.

Have you ever seen a poor bookie; no neither have I.

This is not a relationship you should at all remain in; he will continue to further drag you and your child down with him. Staying with him shows him that you will tolerate it; you and your child need to be gone from his day to day life.

I am a gambling addict. (Well, recovering, I suppose you could say). I haven't gambled on a long time and the very best way to help stop this is online self exclusion. You can join a scheme that all UK registered gambling websites have to be on that prevents you from being able to gamble. On my lloyds account there is an option to disallow any gambling transactions. You can also self exclude from actual betting shops but this is less successful than excluding from online.
All of this adds several layers between your husband and gambling.

I don't know if I am posting a new thread or adding to an old one (want a new thread tbh) but here goes.
Gambling: My husband took his own life 3 months ago. We had an amazing life and we loved each other so much. We were always together unless we were at work and we have 2 lovely children together. We were childhood sweethearts and I honestly did not see this coming. I am devastated beyond words and feel completely lost without him. I love him so much.
After he had taken his life, the police gave me his phone back and when I went through it I discovered that he had been gambling (a lot) and had got loans to pay for his addiction. He had only been gambling a few months- since he was furloughed- but it got hold of him enough for him to completely lose control and unfortunately do what is the worst mistake he ever made. He didn't want to die, he was a proper grafter and a family man. He loved life. We could have sorted it together but he must have felt like it was his problem and he was taking it with him. Of course, this is not true.
After looking into his betting account, I found that he placed a free bet and then won some money, which he put back in and won some more. He then carried on but the losses soon outweighed the wins. When he lost and ran out of money on his account, another free bet dropped into his account and the cycle repeated. I am obviously angry as hell.
I have started a campaign to ban so called 'Free Bets' (THEY ARE NOT FREE, they are designed to keep you putting money back into the system) and I am hoping I can help prevent the same thing happening again to other men, women, young adults. If any of you can help me by signing, i
I would really appreciate it. This is the one thing that is keeping me going at the minute because I don't know what else to so. If you google Luke's Law, my twitter and facebook stories come up as well as the petition.
I will post it here but I am not sure if its allowed so it may get deleted.
petition.parliament.uk/petitions/587806

@Tryinghardfornothing89

I am a gambling addict. (Well, recovering, I suppose you could say). I haven't gambled on a long time and the very best way to help stop this is online self exclusion. You can join a scheme that all UK registered gambling websites have to be on that prevents you from being able to gamble. On my lloyds account there is an option to disallow any gambling transactions. You can also self exclude from actual betting shops but this is less successful than excluding from online. All of this adds several layers between your husband and gambling.

My husband had self excluded. Money wasn't leaving his bank account which is why I didnt see it. Addiction is complex and there are things the gambling industry fail at when keeping the most vulnerable safe. There may well be many layers but there aren't strong regulations to protect people from gambling disorder, which is why I find myself campaigning instead of grieving.

My ex was a gambler and he saw me and baby DS go without to feed his habit. He refused to stop. After he had gone I found out that he hadn't been paying the rent or bills. I'm now comfortable whilst he is a broken and broke man.

You cannot trust a gambler. I would leave one before he ruins you.