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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend keeps doing things to avoid helping

36 replies

Mbhatescf123 · 13/03/2021 04:46

My partner of 7 years keeps avoiding doing things he's promised by making excuses and recently he had promised to go to my pharmacy for my medication and kept putting it off until I finally said if he didnt do at least that then I wanted him to move back home to his parents because I do everything myself and he's always making up reasons why he can't do things and this is usually phantom illnesses that get better once the threat has passed. Anyway he promised he was going and I went out shopping and rang him about 30 minutes later to make sure he had, had no problems at the chemist getting the tablets only for him to start shouting and swearing that he had been going to go but couldn't effing go anyway now because he had a puncture on his bike he was going to ride. I immediately was suspicious because he was so aggressive and triumphant and had made no mention of a puncture prior to this and had said while I went shopping he would go to the chemist, so I said I didn't think he really had a puncture and because of many lies and mistrustful behaviours I was going to check the tyres for myself and if there was no actually punctures then I would be done with being treated like a fool. After swearing and getting angry for a good few minutes saying he did have a puncture and why the feck would he make it up and how paranoid I was I eventually said that if he admitted it then we could work through things and that if he lied I was not taking it anymore because it's not paranoia when people lie and get caught out as often as he does, he finally admitted it, but turned it into me forcing him to go while he had a sore throat and made me sound bullying and lazy and he really confessed because I said I didn't expect that he could use the bike later to go to his families and by admitting it, he could play the martyr and also not have to walk later that day. It's abuse and I know it but I feel like I'm going to never find anyone decent because my ex before him was abusive and he seemed so loving and different at first. I feel so pathetic and don't know how to stop him doing this as I'm exhausted with the lies and he's forever twisting things and making out he said things he didn't and also that he didn't say things he did. Any advice please and please be blunt as I deserve it 😢

OP posts:
Lammergeier · 17/03/2021 13:52

Why are you with this dingus?

fivelemons · 17/03/2021 14:04

You asked for bluntness. Well, here goes!

He's a useless good-for-nothing waste of space who cares about no-one other than himself, so tell him to fuck off and kick him out.

Shoxfordian · 17/03/2021 14:17

He’s a complete loser and he contributes nothing to your happiness. Dump him

DoubleTweenQueen · 17/03/2021 14:18

What Thosetalesofunexpected said. It sounds as though you have a great deal more emotional and functional maturity than your boyfriend. You need to put yourself, your well-being, and your happiness (or lack of unnecessary drama) first Flowers

Wanderlusto · 17/03/2021 14:24

What's wrong with just being single? If you struggle with being on your own then perhaps that's all the more reason to do it. Because that's how you grow as a person. Once you are happy in your own company and don't 'need' a man, it will be a lot easier to find a good one. Instead of a predatory sort who finds a way in because you cant stand being single.

Dump the abusive shit. Theres nothing wrong with being single. And you'll find someone new and decent - when you've done the self work.

NoPrisoners · 17/03/2021 14:40

You already know he's no good. You just need to accept that,
Have you asked yourself what is stopping you from getting rid of him?
We all have different reasons we may end things.
The sooner you address those, the sooner you can get rid of this little monster, and get away from this utter mess!
You might need to start with allowing yourself to feel the anger and disgust you rightly ought.

mybonnieliesovertheocean2 · 17/03/2021 15:54

Your not happy, he lies and his family think your a trouble maker based on his narrative. 7yrs - its time to have a brand new 7 without him in it

nitsandwormsdodger · 17/03/2021 19:49

He doesn't love you
Makes elaborate lies to avoid doing simple things to help you
He clearly has you wound up

You're doing crazy things like checking tyres for punctures ??
When things have gotten that bad the relationship is over , can't you see that ?

category12 · 17/03/2021 19:54

OP, please read the shark cage analogy here - www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

simonisnotme · 17/03/2021 20:43

be single and happy, not in a couple with this twat

Cockenspiel · 17/03/2021 21:44

You already know he’s an abusive moron who enjoys gaslighting and manipulating you..

So the questions are; why have you allowed this to continue? How would your life would genuinely be without him (and his family) in it?

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