I feel like a fraud here because I’m not a mum. I really want to one day have a family but my situation is difficult. I’ve been with my fiancé for 8 years, living in our house for just over 3 years. He had told me he had an issue with gambling quite early on but he never seemed to struggle for money after this initial blow out and for all I knew he had put it behind him. 6 years later we move into our mortgaged house and not long after we moved in I noticed he was drinking heavily. I would find cans and bottles hidden as well as notes and letters to himself where he was saying he wanted to kill himself. Eventually I addressed this. Turns out he had severe gambling addiction and was drinking he said through boredom. I tried to support him. I paid for a councillor - he didn’t go. He went to AA but then quit. The last 2 years have been a cycle of him trying then falling off the wagon. As such, we haven’t had sex because I don’t feel in the mood so no way I’m ever going to be a parent at this rate. Last October, I had enough. I told him to go and stay with his parents. He made real progress. He then came home and has started paying me some money towards the house (before this I had nothing off him). He’s still drinking though. He drinks sometimes and hides it from me. Then, last week I found a container with small plastic sachets of white power. I don’t know what they are. We have not had the best of weeks and have barely spoken. I love him but I don’t know if I can keep living like this. Anyway I just really wanted somewhere to offload - I feel like all of this is a weight on my mind all the time. This feels better getting it out.