I think ive just hit the final straw in my relationship with my controlling/ emotionally abusive partner of over 10 yrs.
We've 2 kids together which are both still very young. My youngest is currently waiting on an asd assessment, but I already am fully aware she is definitely on the spectrum somewhere. But my partner doesn't want to hear the word autism and says our daughter is perfectly fine and ignores all the reasons as to why she needs to be assessed.
During lockdown from last year he kept making me reschedule her appointments, using the excuse of covid and not wanting her near a hospital etc told me if the kids get covid and something happens to them that was on me etc
basically used covid as an excuse for many reasons for me not to take the kids here and there.
I stood up for myself the other day when another hospital appointment came up. Told him I was bringing her to this one because we are just delaying help for her otherwise. He wasn't happy. When I came home I knew what behaviour to expect from him - huffiness and silent treatment!
Got through the door after an upsetting appointment with our daughter and he just said "well?"
To which I responded that the dr was happy with our daughters improvements but still showing traits of autism. He just blew up on me. Shouting at me for ever taking her to the appointment, the dr is an asshole saying his daughter has special needs when she clearly doesn't. Told me that she wouldn't be attending anymore bullshit appointments etc. Then told me im crazy. This is all in my head. That im wishing autism on her as a reason to explain why I'm struggling with her behaviour. Just very hurtful stuff. Two tears rolled down my face which my 3 yr old son then shouted at his dad to stop making mammy cry which im completely ashamed about.
After my son said that my partner just turned round to me and said "you're turning my son against me by switching on your tears what the fuck are you crying for" and walked away. After telling my son I was fine and its ok to cry sometimes etc an hr went by and I tried to talk to my partner again by explaining things our daughter does or does not do and thats why she needs to be assessed so we can help her as much as possible. Again he just down played it all and I was a disgusting person for thinking something is wrong with our daughter. Asked him to read about Autism as I'm getting the feeling he has no idea what autism actually is but he refuses and again told me he would not be allowing her to anymore appointments and that I'm not going to label her.
I've had the silent treatment for 4 days now, even though I've tried to speak to him. Im getting shrugged off and basically told to fuck off. Im disgusted with the comment he made that I want something to be wrong with my child and that I'm trying to find an excuse as to why I'm struggling as a mum. Its made me feel really low. Im just trying to help my daughter and get some understanding for myself so I can be a good mother to her.
After hearing my son ask his father not to make mammy cry and the fact that my husband is trying to stop me getting treatment for my daughter has made me realise I have to leave for their sake. I cannot let my children think this is normal behaviour in a relationship plus I'm fed up being so depressed all the time because I don't have freedom to this or that. Ive lost all my friends and support network. I just don't think I can do this anymore. Im totally devastated. And I know he'll refuse to leave our council home, both our names on the lease. I really could just do with a handhold