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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Alimony advice for friend in controlling relationship

3 replies

Pinchoftum · 12/03/2021 12:53

I am helping a friend through separating from her husband.

On the surface he is a lovely guy and probably sees himself as such. Sadly he is also very insecure, controlling and has been sexually abusive. they have been in separate bedrooms for about 2 years and she is finally building herself up to leaving. One of her big concerns is that she won't be able to afford anything without him. Despite being a cunt he is quite likely to do the right thing by his children if not pushed into a corner. She wants to avoid going two solicitors if she can help it and wants to know what a good starting point she should be asking for in terms of maintenance/ alimony.
They have been together for 20 years since they were teenagers and have to primary school children together. No other children no other partners involved.
This is an outline of their finances:
His income 90k
Her income 27k (only been working for a year prior to that had a breakdown and supported him while he trained etc)
Mortgage is £800 a monththe rest of the outgoings add up to about £1500
ideal scenario will be that he leaves the house and rent somewhere nearby and she keeps living in their house until the girls are out of education.

she is very worried she won't be able to financially manage without him and has stayed with him in a terrible situation for a number of years because of this. Certain if she gives him a reasonable figure he will pay it. Ideally she would take him off the mortgage, work out what it is worth now and pay him that's when the kids are grown up.

So really need to know:

  1. who to ask for really good advice that isn't a solicitor and won't cost a fortune.
  2. Any idea of what sort of money she could realistically ask him for.
  3. Should she go for alimony is that such a thing? Or get something else. she has definitely supported him to be able to earn such a large wage.

Thank you so much for any advice you can offer.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 12/03/2021 13:09

Your friend has to see a solicitor. It may be possible to get a Mesher order to enable her to stay in the house, but only a sol who's privy to all the details will be able to advise.
It's unlikely she'll get spousal support.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/03/2021 13:17

Are they married?. She absolutely needs a Solicitor regardless. Mediation is not advised due to his abuses of her.

In the meantime I would also urge your friend to contact both Womens Aid and the Rights of Women organisations; the latter can give legal advice BUT she still needs her own Solicitor.

Pinchoftum · 12/03/2021 13:52

Thank you both so much. I'm going to ring around a list of solicitors now. They are married.

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