Long distance relationship advice

[ShatnersWig]

I always said I wouldn't have a long distance relationship (100 miles) but it's happened and it's the best relationship ever for both of us. We spend every weekend together (we're each other's support bubble and both live alone). We're committed to a future together but each time one of us heads home it gets harder to leave. We obviously Facetime every night and I'm constantly looking fora new job where she lives but now isn't the best time to be looking and my industry isn't huge. She earns much more than me and won't consider moving because her dad is in a care home nearby which I totally understand and I'm happy to relocate (it's a much more expensive area). I'm just concerned it's going to take a really long time to find a job and I hate the thought we could still be separate by Christmas.

Any advice from those who've been there?

100 miles really isn’t far at all (it’s actually less than I commute to work in normal times 😬). But I would make the most of your time together on the weekends. Can one or both of you adjust and work compressed hours so you have Friday to Sunday together (or even til early Monday morning)? Make plans for holidays and a future together so you have things to focus on planning and to look forward to. And also use the time when you can’t be together to really talk about the future, your values, long term goals.

It’s different but Dh and I were an 11 hour flight from each other for 2 years while we were dating. We were together in one place for 6 months and then both had to move home when visas expired and then didn’t live in the same country again til we got married. We saw each other every 2 to 3 months. But we had a lot of time to talk and get to know each other and really understood each other’s values and ambitions and our long term plans for life together. It was expensive to do all that traveling but we made the most of when we could be together.

Realistically, most working couples don’t see much of each other during the week. We live together and Dh and I barely have time for a conversation Monday to Thursday, so you already have the best quality time set aside for each other. It’s not just figuring out the long term plan. If it’s a good solid relationship, it’s very worth it to be patient and wait until things fall together with jobs and moving.

I've been in a long distance long term relationship and it didn't work out.
It works out for some.

I know a couple who have been married for decades who met on holiday then were in a LDR. She moved to his town, a move of about 100 miles. She got her own flat to begin with, then moved in.

How long have you been in a LDR with her? If you move into her home, that can cause problems.

In my case, the XP moved in with me, but moved out as I wasn't happy with having my home treated as a free hotel.

mindutopia It may be "really not far at all" but it's over two hours as only a tiny bit is motorway. Our respective jobs mean it's Saturday and Sunday only with no option to extend Friday afternoon or Monday morning. Obviously in the first part of lockdown last year we were talking 4 hours every night and we already know we share same goals, values etc. It's purely the whole waiting for a job. If we're still apart in six months I think we're both going to get really down about it. As for working couples not seeing much of each other in the week, that was never the case with my ex partner and it's something my now partner and I are very determined to have this time too. We're both of the opinion that a relationship is about being together, not being apart.

I have been long distance (90 miles which is a 1 hour 40 minute drive) for 6 years. We are engaged and were supposed to move in together last year but Covid put a stop to that. We both have school aged children, he has his daughter 50/50 and mine are with me all the time apart from eow. We are therefore doing Friday night until Monday morning eow when we are child free and Friday night until Sunday when we have our children (the opposite eow). He also comes to me one night in the week, but in reality he spends more time driving than he does awake with me that night as he works an hour away in the opposite direction, so his commute those nights and mornings is 2.5 hours. It is a killer but its the price we have had to pay to keep going. We are looking to move in together this year but we will both be (reluctantly in my case!) relocating to an area inbeetween. Where there's a will there's a way as the saying goes. I'm sure you will get there eventually, and thank God for facetime!!!