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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Just had enough

2 replies

HC4U · 10/03/2021 16:19

Hi. Really struggling today with my relationship with my mother. Long story. I am no spring chicken so I should know better at this stage I will never change her. A life time of always trying to "fix her" in my own head and behaviour. She has lots of narcissism traits and I make allowances for the fact she is living on her own now and is waiting on my Dad to pass away in a nhome so she can to quote her "get on with her own life". She is a lot younger than him and constantly told us she had put up with him for years. Anyway today I just have had enough. I drove hours to visit my Dad in the nhome as I am the only family member who is close to them even at that distance. I had called her to say I am coming but when I arrive she wasn't there, she wouldn't answer her phone, her car was gone and I left her numerous messages to call me. I left food parcels and flowers at the front door for her and waited a while just in case she was making a quick trip to the local shop. I am just back home and my aunt just called me and mentioned she was chatting to my Mum earlier noting she never goes anywhere bar the nhome and never sees her kids now thanks to COVID. I visit every week and I just feel today even out of manners she could have text - because she never rings me - to say thanks or sorry I missed you. I just feel enough is enough. I know if I just didn't bother calling her for weeks I would get the same reaction from her.Why is it so one sided the relationship? I know the answer unfortunately. Its really time to step back and stop putting myself in the position to get constantly hurt! Thank you for listening.

OP posts:
saracorona · 10/03/2021 17:53

Bless, this reminds me of my sister with my father. The games that narcissists love to play, it never gets old for them even when they're old. I'm sorry for both of you that she treats you this way. But she's compelled to be in control.
Be kind to yourself, you will have endured much. Love yourself because you have been strong enough not to become a Narcissist yourself.

oil0W0lio · 10/03/2021 18:13

Leave her to it and focus on your own life OP, just gradually stop engaging

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