Relationship advice please

[MissSparkle47]

Please can I have some advice, this is my first post...
I have been with my partner nearly 8 years. I sold my house and moved to his at the end of last year. We have brought some land and we are going to be building our own house and we needed the money to start things off.
Since I moved up it seems I cannot do anything right, I load the dishwasher wrong, don't make the bed right. Don't clean the sides down properly, don't make the bed properly. I walk on broken eggshells a lot. On Sunday i cooked a massive roast done alll the tidying up and because i didn't put the little silver plug (that collects the food) back in the sink hole properly he went mad. Calls me thick and says if i just do it how he wants it done he would have no reason to have a go at me.My 9 year old little dogs moved up with me because they wake up early and was quite unsettled he suggested we 'make a decision on them' for our quality of life. The have gone to my ex husbands now where my daughter is residing.
So I only had one child still living at home she is 17 she moved to her fathers when I moved to his as it is closer to college. She is going to University in September. They had a falling out last year which wasn't really anything to do with him but he has made it about him and hasn't seen her for 7 months. If i'd known she would never be able to stay I would have never moved up. His daughter lives with him every other week she is and as much as I love her i cannot help feel resentment that mine isn't allowed in the house. I know my friends a rethinking I am choosing him over my daughter and when i try to talk to him about any of this he shuts me down. my only saving grace at the minute is i work full time so can get out of the house. He has also criticised me for still wanting to see my children during Covid saying i should socially distance with them for a walk (when it is freezing and pouring down) but it is fine for his daughter to go between houses. I stopped seeing certain people and going out with certain friends as he didn't like it. He goes on to me for hours and hours and I am feeling mentally exhausted oh and quite homeless as he is quite regularly telling me to leave x

I made sure i brought the land in my name only and said i would transfer the other half when he started contributing towards it. He wouldn't give me £10 let alone me in theory giving him £150k and me being homeless.

I don't quite understand this land situation.
Did you pay for all of it?
Was the plan that he then pay you for your half at some later point or was the idea that he would pay more towards the house build?
It's not very clear from your post.

If the land is all in your name and he paid nothing towards it, that makes everything easier. Sell it and get the money back.

Leave him immediately. He is very controlling and a nasty piece of work.Was there no indication of this before you moved in together?
Go and live with your other daughter until you get the money back from the land. Get your dogs back.
It was a mistake to move to be with him but you can't always tell in advance that something is going to be a disaster. However, you can correct the mistake as quickly as possible to prevent the situation getting any worse.

His daughter lives with him every other week she is and as much as I love her i cannot help feel resentment that mine isn't allowed in the house.

I'm sorry I can't get over the fact you have chosen him over your daughter.

Resentment? You should be furious and have ended the relationship!

You've become passive because he is emotionally abusive but you need to take back control of your life.

The damage this will have done to your relationship with your daughter is likely to be huge. You need to focus your emotional energy on her and yourself, not him.

Leave now he sounds like my step father, I ended seeing my mother once every 3 months then didn't see her for years. Didn't go to her funeral and will never forgive her for staying with him.

On reading just your post it does sound like he is being very controlling and the relationship does not sound good.

On the other hand - you have known him for 8 years - so he must have some good qualities for you to have moved in with him at all. I wonder if part of this is adjustment to living with someone full time. Had you both been living alone for a while before you moved in?
It deserves a conversation for sure - if he doesn't like the way you clear up for example - fine - ask him to do it his way then.

IF you decide to go ahead with the plan of building a house on this land - that will be a very very stressful situation. Don't underestimate how hard that might be - so even the strongest of relationships can come under strain. I think you need to bear that in mind before progressing any further with the self build - if nothing else.

Do what's right for you. You could always go ahead get planning permission on the land (if it hasn't already) and then sell it for an higher price.

@Iamthrough

On reading just your post it does sound like he is being very controlling and the relationship does not sound good. On the other hand - you have known him for 8 years - so he must have some good qualities for you to have moved in with him at all. I wonder if part of this is adjustment to living with someone full time. Had you both been living alone for a while before you moved in? It deserves a conversation for sure - if he doesn't like the way you clear up for example - fine - ask him to do it his way then.

IF you decide to go ahead with the plan of building a house on this land - that will be a very very stressful situation. Don't underestimate how hard that might be - so even the strongest of relationships can come under strain. I think you need to bear that in mind before progressing any further with the self build - if nothing else.

Do what's right for you. You could always go ahead get planning permission on the land (if it hasn't already) and then sell it for an higher price.

I don't know if you missed the bit of OP's post where she said this man has banned her daughter from their home? Her 17 year old daughter.

So I only had one child still living at home she is 17 she moved to her fathers when I moved to his as it is closer to college. She is going to University in September. They had a falling out last year which wasn't really anything to do with him but he has made it about him and hasn't seen her for 7 months. If i'd known she would never be able to stay I would have never moved up. His daughter lives with him every other week she is and as much as I love her i cannot help feel resentment that mine isn't allowed in the house.

The only option re this relationship, all things considered, is to end it. It's incredibly unhealthy. He's separated her from loved ones and verbally and emotionally abused her. This is not fixable.

Please leave, this will only get worse.

Please, please leave!

Your poor daughter, she will be missing you desperately. This man is treating you disgracefully, please reassess your life. The fact that you've had to get rid of your little dogs too, seriously you let him coerce you into that?
The same as a previous poster, my very first LTB.
Good luck x

What made you move back after you left him last time?

Don’t over think this OP. This is horribly horribly abusive. Pack your stuff, and leave. If you have to kip on a mate’s sofa, do it.

I agree with everyone, sell up and get on with your life. There are very obvious signs your life with him will be an absolute misery. It already is.

Your 17 year old is not allowed in the house? Bloody hell I would have left him at that let alone all his other failings.