Is there any hope or point in online dating?

[Singleton456]

I’m seriously getting very fed up, and would like to here some positive stories, which may give me some hope that I won’t me alone forever!

I would say I’m an average person, take pride in my appearance but not OTT, size 12/10 (but loosing baby weight), have a good career, own house, one DD (see below). But I have had failed relationships and dates one after each other, it’s grinding me down, and I doubt myself so much.

I’ve had 2 long term relationships (I’m 33) both cheated, both screwed me over. First one was full of domestic violence, and the last caused me to have a mental breakdown. Yes, I’m glad to be free of these men.

Every guy I’ve met, has either been a man child, not wanting commitment (even though they say they are looking for a relationship). Last year I dated a guy, fell pregnant (this was not planned), and he didn’t want anything to do with it, turns out he was in a long term relationship. So I’m now a single mum to my 4 month old DD.

After 16 months out the dating game, I love my DD to pieces but I’m lonely, and have been back online. Was talking to someone I thought was a nice , genuine guy, professional career, DC of his own. We arranged to meet for a socially distance walk, so I arranged a sitter, got ready, and met him. Only for him to cut it short and then block me. Seriously what is wrong with me?

Did he know about your daughter before the date? I guess getting pregnant so quickly with the last guy you were with and having a very young baby is going to be off putting to a lot of men.

Also it does happen unfortunately, you can't get too invested with a date , ghosting happens, it's not nice but you have to be quite strong, maybe it's a bit soon for you?

@honeysuckle21 thank you. Yes he knew about DD, was open and honest from the beginning, and he said it wasn’t an issue as he had DC. But I understand this could be off putting to some.

Yes ghosting has happened to me previously, I just find is so disrespectful. I feel like I’ve been single now for 2 years, as non have been established relationships. Also feel the last 12months of living alone, being pregnant has given me chance to find myself, I just wish it wasn’t so hard. It’s ruthless.

I personally wouldn't waste your time.
Enjoy your daughter, widen your circle of female friends.
Can still be open to a relationship, but take full responsibility for your own happiness and see what happens.

I'm not convinced that the men who use those websites are looking for a long term relationship. The quality of the men on there is very poor indeed. It's changed a lot these last 5-10 years.

I'd love to remarry. In order to be my equal a man would have to be single, educated, intelligent, professional, solvent , kind and a home owner. This man is NOT online dating lol. I'm not shallow and couldn't care less if a man was bald or had a bit of a belly etc etc. I guess the answer is to meet in real life
Sorry I haven't helped much!

I would not date as you are feeling so lonely you could attract the love bombers and unsavoury characters just to have someone. Be mindful of that. Wait until life opens up again and get yourself out there but enjoy your lovely DC. I had a date many years ago who, after an hour looked at his watch and said he had to get back to do his ironing. I was really put out by that. A year later I went back on OLD the same man (who obviously didn’t remember me from before) began chatting to me. I asked him if he remembered me, he said no. I told him how uncomfortable he made me feel leaving to do his ironing. He apologised profusely for his manners and explained he was going through a really stressful time in his life and shouldn’t have been dating. What I am trying to say is, how a person behaves is all about them, not you x

@moonface123 Thank you. It does feel like a waste of time, and I do enjoy spending time with DD. I just miss being with someone, having someone to talk to in an evening, days out, affection etc. Which I know DD brings, but it’s not the same. I have lots of friends, and we do stuff together and generally I’m happy, but I just would love someone to love, and to be loved.

@StephenBelafonte I’m not convinced either. But also feel it’s the new “norm” and now with DD my opportunities to get out will be even more restricted. I would love all them things too, and agree they aren’t on tinder 😂

@litterbird thank you. I’m aware this might attract idiots, but I think I will be more selective in who I go on dates with. me and the guy tonight had spoke for awhile, and honestly thought we held the same values. If I’m alone so be it, I’m happy (enough), but just crave some affection and love, and think surely someone out there must have some respect and values. I’m enjoy DD, just now she goes to bed early, and I can’t necessarily go out, it’s just getting a bit lonely. Also seeing all my friends marry, and be in loving relationships is hard. I miss my ex, but purely for the company and opportunities that gave. Even though I have lots of friends, it’s not the same. I’m not surprised you was put out, that’s how I felt this evening. People should show a little bit more respect for others.

Will you even have time to spare for a relationship if your daughter is only 4 months and her father didn't stick around? Genuine question as I could never find the time when my son was younger.

I've been OLD for years on and off but rarely actually met up with anyone because I just didn't feel any connection. In October I got chatting to someone and met him the next day (he only lives two streets away). We've seen each other almost every day since then are both really happy together and glad we met. We are so similar and compatible it's honestly feels like we were made for each other, and I know it's early days and we're still in the honeymoon period right now but it all feels so right.

I'd stick with it, you've nothing to lose by trying.

Many men OLD keep their options open. They “talk” to many different women at one time so it’s possible that guy met someone else he liked better.

@ExhaustedGrinch aww I’m so glad you have sound someone, and stuck with it. I feel like I’ve OLD for years too, but rarely met up, as it was pointless, but then the ones I did, also proved pointless. I do think it will be tricky, but all my friends have said they will support and help me out. I’ve been working since she was 6weeks old, partly due to financial reasons, but partly for company, I’m hoping if I meet someone I can enjoy my spare time and not have to work.

@sunnyzweibrucken it’s seems that way. I generally start a conversation with one person at a time. Where many play conversation roulette.