The likely outcome - just needing some advice

[Mummytoonexo]

Hi.

I applied for a court order a few weeks ago to determine when me and my ex would have our child. I am still awaiting to hear from CAFCASS. In the order I stated that I would just like to change the days my ex partner has our son because it would benefit our son a lot better when he starts first school. My ex partner disagreed which is why it is going to court because mediation didn’t work and he also refused to co-parent. On my application I have had to include when he beat me up and put me in hospital, smashed my head on a wall and bottled me in a club (all occasions our child wasn’t around) I also included that he has past history with cannabis and cocaine although it is mainly cannabis which he has already admitted to a social worker (the social worker is no involvement with me) that he smokes cannabis which led to the social worker having no concerns. It got brought to my attention that he was having cannabis delivered to his door meaning it would be in his house whilst my child was there and his friends were going over to his town whilst he had my child which gave me assumptions. I have no evidence.

Anyway he has seen what I have put on the c100 and he does tit for tat. I am very anti-drugs although in a minute I am going to sound like a hypocrite I know. Last weekend I was with a friend who took us to a friends he knew for some drinks (I am aware it’s still lockdown this is the first time I’ve done anything like this since March 2020) and I didn’t want people drinking in my house especially someone I didn’t know. Anyway as the night progressed I got drunk and my friends friend offered me drugs to which I said no and I was getting called boring. As the night went on I was very drunk which is shocking for me as I am always in control of what I drink due to incidents in the past. Anyway long story short I ended up taking some of the drugs, I can’t remember how many times but I do remember my friend telling me to carry on and I said no. The next morning and ever since I have felt disgusted with myself, I have been awake all night crying and not been able to sleep. I’m a brilliant mother and my child adores me loads. I always put him first always. I have never been in trouble with the police or anything or have a past record with drugs at all. I feel dirty and sick. I’m aware that because of what I said about my ex partner drug testing my be involved and if it’s a hair strand test I may fail the test because of this stupid incident. I have spoke to Samaritans because of sick it’s making me feel and I’m due to speak to my doctor today. When CAFCASS do call me, should I tell them about this incident? Will the court take my child away because of this stupid mistake? My child wasn’t around when this happened and didn’t come back in to my care until over 24 hours later. He is always safe with me and I do everything I can to protect him.

Would one-time use would show up in a hair test?

Does your ex know you took drugs? Do you think he asked your friends friend to peer-pressure you into taking them? If you do, be very wary of who you mix with and drink with in future.

Anyway, I think you're panicking a bit. You don't have a history of drug use and that will be evident if you get tested - even if it does show up, it would be nothing like as strong as a regular user. You definitely don't have a history of violence etc. Try to work through your emotions as logically as you can.

I have no idea, it was a one time use as in the first ever time I done it but I touched it more than once. He doesn’t know that I have but because I have accused him he accuses me, he done it when we tried to do a parent plan he accused me of being a binge drinker which is on my medical records and my child’s health visitor records that I rarely drink unless with friends. I do know he knows my friends friend but I don’t know to what extent.

I do panic loads and always think of the worst possible outcome. I have rang Samaritans and smoked to my doctor which I will have evidence of. My GP also suggested to speak to healthy minds and another service because of how this situation is making me feel and how disgusting it has made me.

I adore my child to absolute pieces and it’s breaking my heart that I have been so so stupid! But I have no history of anything bad at all.

Also thank you so much for taking the time to read this and comment. It helps so much

Well, you're getting ahead of yourself a bit, I think . Has a hair test been agreed or ordered? If not, is it likely to be within 90 days? After that, and it won't show up, (even if it would after one-time use).

Your mates don't seem that great if they're going to push you into behaving in ways you regret, so maybe think about widening your social circle when you can? Try to avoid drinking too much as it lowers inhibitions and it messes with your brain chemistry - makes anxiety and low feelings far far worse in the aftermath.

You're going through a lot, and it's no wonder your anxiety is through the roof . I'm sorry I can't really advise on the cafcass side of things, but try not to catastrophise.

It hasn’t yet as we are still awaiting court details as to when there will be a first hearing and when CAFCASS will call us. I’ve just read that if there is past historic drug abuse you will be asked to be drug tested which is what will happen to his father.

I definitely have had time to myself to think about my friends, I only drank because I was out socialising for the first time properly in a very long time other than that I don’t drink.

I am going through a lot and it’s hard as I’m young as well and I always try my best, I work full time and provide everything for my child and have to juggle lots of things to provide the best care for him, I just don’t want to be judged and labelled as a bad mum because of this stupid mistake

I don't think you will be . You sound like a great mum to me, and like you've had it really tough. I hope things start to improve for you and I'm sure they will.

Thank you so much! They will improve eventually which is why I applied to the court so we could co-parent together for our son etc.

Thank you so much for taking the time to speak to me, you don’t realise how much it helps xx