Lying

[Sunset809]

About to buy first house with OH. He lied outright when asked about some debt, came clean I suspect because it will come out when speaking to mortgage adviser. Says he was ashamed of it - I honestly don’t care about the existence of the debt but I’m anxious and hurt about the lie.

Are lies forgivable if there is a reason eg. shame?
Should I trust what he says going forward?

There is no template as to whether lies are forgivable; one person may be able to forgive a lie that another person might not. All lies are different, all people's boundaries are different.

If you're posting on a forum to ask whether you can trust him, then you don't trust him. Think of someone you definitely definitely trust. Would you consider asking online whether or not you should trust them? No; it would be absurd, wouldn't it?

I do understand how you feel.
My partner had debt, told me but then more resurfaced.
I also know he is lending money to a friend (who has lent him money in the past) but doesn't know that I know about this. I know his reasons are that I wouldn't be happy and he's hiding it for a quiet life. I just wish he'd be truthful with me, this non-disclosure isn't really lying but it just makes me mis-strust him.

If he's looked you straight in the eye and lied about something important then you'd be crazy not to rethink things.

How much is the debt?

For a start, I wouldn't be helping him sort it. Shame is a good excuse as any for lying. I'd also be wary of tying yourself financially to someone like that. If it's completely ruined your plans to buy, could you get over that?

You would be mad to get involved with someone financially, with debt.

Frequently posters tell hoe lots more debt surfice.

Everything else aside I certainly wpuldnt buy a house with him.

You should care about the existence of debt as it shows how this person is with money....are you sure you want to continue buying a property with this man? He has a) lied to you and b) its bad with money. Not a good start for a life together.

My ExH lied about debts. I knew of some but not the extent. We managed to sort it out by taking a loan to cover credit cards and over drafts he was struggling to pay thus reducing interest/charges etc. He went behind my back and took out more credit cards.

I would never again tie myself financially to someone who lied about debts. Having debts itself isn't so much a problem if it's all manageable. It's the lies.