Loves my smile .. is that enough??

[seasaltsucker]

Bearing in mind that I was cheated upon by my husband of 15 years totally out of the blue, I am aware that I can be over sensitive and seeing things that are not there at all over the last two years .
My man friend of six months and I are progressing very well. I feel respected, cherished and an equal. We are very affectionate and
Enjoy a new lease of life, sexually and in every other way as much as restrictions permit .We have bubbled .
He compliments me as a person all the time. It's genuine and a lovely surprise . However , apart from saying he lives my bum/ boobs etc he has only ever said that he loves my smile and that's his favourite thing about me physically .
Now that sounds lovely but he has never called me beautiful but on occasion has called actress or two beautiful in passing . I am
Not beautiful but I would like to think that to him I am. Am I being unreasonable or jus very damaged ? Ironically my ex husband always called me
Beautiful etc etc. It's so new I guess. I may be looking for problems .
Thanks in advance .

I would take genuineness and honestly over false compliments any day of the week. My husband doesn't say I'm beautiful, because I'm not but that I make him smile etc , which is nice.

The complimenting other women may be a red flag, it may not. If I'm honest I wouldn't like this but I may be set in my ways. I've been with my husband over 20, neither of us do this really.

Ooh, interesting one. Strikes a chord with me because my ex never complimented my appearance, except for saying he loved my breasts. He would sometimes compliment other things about me, personality and so forth (not that often, mind). Indeed, on a couple of occasions he told me he DIDN’T find me attractive. It fucked with my self-esteem, obviously (but he was an extreme example).

The current one gives lots of compliments. I’m not sure he has actually called me “beautiful” (and I’m not classically beautiful - tho pretty sexy looking I think!) He does regularly compliment me on my tits and arse, says my eyes are beautiful, my shape, often tells me I’m “gorgeous”. It’s enough for me to feel good about myself, and like he is totally in to me.

I think my point is, it doesn’t so much matter what they are saying, but more how it is making you feel?

Could you bring it up with him? I get it that that might be too daunting. I only say this because my fella recently mentioned that it made him feel a bit shit that I didn’t look at him enough during sex. I fully understood, and have addressed this...... I like it too, and like that he likes it, so win win win.......

Thanks for responses 👌
He would regularly tell me that he thinks I'm good looking and sexy but compliments me
More in my personality and his actions tell me that he really likes me as a person ... kind/ funny caring etc and that he loves me . He has told me on occasion that I looked sexy and loves the way I carry myself ( whatever that means)
I guess I am off the scene so long and am used to what I now know where disingenuous compliments based only on sex . I sound like a right mess don't I ? Plus I'm possibly agreeing if being fucked over again.

Possibly afraid of being fucked over and am looking into thinks and poking at things that are not there .

You can be the most beautiful woman in the world but if you don’t smile then your not going to attract much attention. A lovely smile is a really genuine mood indicator. It tells everyone that you are friendly and approachable and happy.
Men love smiling women, they can read smiling women, they don’t have to approach with caution. It’s our equivalent of a dogs wagging tail.
Having a lovely smile is far more attractive than a resting bitch face.

What’s the sex like? (If you don’t mind me asking - no obligation to answer obviously). But do you get the impression he is in to you? Does he actively convey that impression?

I thought about this a bit more since I read and posted, and decided I am happy to never be told I am beautiful again (because objectively I’m not. Tho my mom thinks I am.....) As long as I am told I am hot as fuck! THAT is what I crave.

Next man to tell me I am unattractive is out of a he door so quickly he won’t even have time to collect his dirty boxers and socks. (I will instead throw them at his head on the way out).

Thanks for the reassuring posts . I know I can be messed up about this . I guess my hopes and dreams were shattered in an instant out of the blue and while I feel ready for another relationship, I've only ever known one man intimately so my bar is low.
Sex is off the charts . He recently said that he had never experienced such sexual intimacy and is very generous as a lover . I was certainly never used to that. My needs are always first and then he is happy to engage further! We are still at the stage though where we can't keep our hands off each other. It's early days . He calls
Me
Sexy all the time .
I am not beautiful whatsoever but attractive maybe .

I think this ralationship sounds healthy and reciprocal and complimentary. Maybe you need to think about why you need that extra push in the physical compliments. My husband doesn't say things he doesn't believe to be absolutely true but I am fine with that because I know I'm so much more than a physical ideal. Do you want to be admired for your looks? I'm just wondering if this might be a loss of youth problem rather than a dp problem?

Honestly Op. a genuine compliment is worth a insincere one every time. He tells you you have a lovely smile and he loves things about you. I really wouldn't. Get bogged down by this

Thanks. I suppose I felt shit and unattractive after my ex cheated . That's why I was sensitive to his comments about or llack Therof

Sorry, I probably sounded tactless there! I went through this a bit, lost the shine of youth and missed the compliments that came with it.

You're looking for external validation, it never keeps you happy for long, look for ways to validate yourself internally. It leads to higher self esteem and a more peaceful life. It also keeps you away from people who use compliments as a way to get you to like them, instead of genuineness. Your dpsounds lovely.

He saya you're good looking, sexy, have a nice bum, boobs and smile, sounds like he definitely likes you enough op!

By the way, beautiful isn't necessarily attractive in my book, I can think of lots of celebs that I would class as beautiful, but do not do it for me. Attractiveness is a whole package.

I think you have to look at the bigger picture because this could just be your insecurities at play here.. do you feel in general that this man loves you? Is he kind and considerate? Does he touch you affectionately? Is he supportive? If the answer is yes to all these things then why focus on one tiny thing he hasn't done? Its like you are looking for a way for it to not be all you thought it was...
Dont do that. You know deep down whether this person finds you attractive and really cares for you or not. The way he phrases compliments is irrelevant.

Such kind posts thanks . I answered yes to each of your questions. He does all of that. I think sometimes I'm trying to avoided being so hurt again but then if I don't trust , I can't learn to trust if that makes sense . I feel I need to give it a decent go but am
Afraid I wouldn't be able to cope with that heartbreak again . Maybe I feel it's easier to Find fault and a reason to detach .

@seasaltsucker
I think if you know he loves you but are still looking for proof he doesnt then its more about you being a bit traumatised from the way you've been treated in the past than anything he is doing.
Try to focus on the ways he is showing you he loves you rather than looking for clues that he doesnt... I know you are trying to protect yourself from pain but this isn't the way to do it because you may ruin a perfectly good relationship by doing this. I feel for you I know how hard it is... I cma edit of an abusive relationship when I got together with my husband and I was really edgy to begin with.. looking for signs he didn't really love me.. so I sympathise totally

Thanks for reassurance . I need to work on it as I am afraid I will eventually push him away when the reality is, that would be worse case scenario.

I've met a few "beautiful" people, but they had ugly personalities

Someone kind, generous is preferable over beauty every time

He sounds really into you. You obviously have some insecurities, you poor thing. Only natural.
But don't let one crappy man's behaviour hang over you forever.
Enjoy what you have now, which really sounds like a genuine and lovely connection.
It's that old trope about actions speak louder than words, isn't it?

I think it sounds nice - he's complimenting you physically (saying you have a nice smile, boobs and bum!) but that he likes you as a person too, and loves the person you are not just your appearance. I think he sounds lovely! When he describes another woman as beautiful he just means physically looks nice, not gorgeous inside AND out as he thinks you are.

If you're worried, just ask him if he thinks you're beautiful. I bet you a hundred pounds he says yes

It sounds like the sex is great, he is massively in to you, and thinks you are hot as fuck! What’s not to love?

Seriously, don’t sweat the word “beautiful”. Different people use different language. Sounds like he finds you (and tells you and shows you that you are) utterly desirable. Just go forth and enjoy! Xxx

Thanks to everyone . I feel better having read those kind replies