Am I overreacting?

[StormsDontLastForever]

Looking for some honest advice as to wether I'm overreacting or not.

Been with dp for around 9 years, we are both still young. Have dd together. Dp has history of messing me about, don't think he has actually physically cheated but his intentions at times haven't been good! Latest was a few weeks ago commenting on a girls posts on social media, not some nice words for me to see. Apologised AGAIN said I meant the world to him etc, things were good again.

Fast forward to today, he is away out with a friend! (We are still in full lockdown) said he may be having a drink today, I politely asked him not to as he had promised he was changing and things were good between us again. (To let you understand everytime he drinks he is a binge drinker, doesn't return home & takes the utter piss out me! So HE had decided him & alcohol don't get on very well so he was giving it up! He is also working tomorrow morning.

I also started about how we are in lockdown and it simply shouldn't be happening, but he's an adult who can make his own choices, I can't exactly tell him he's not going out.

Anyway he goes out & I get a message with him with a bottle of alcohol?

I've been really under the weather the last few days with a sinus infection & generally feeling low due to lockdown etc & I really just do not need this shite today!!

He has taken the piss out me in several different ways for years but i simply cannot walk away from him! When things are good they are great, we do have a good relationship.

I am overweight and unhappy in my own body but I would literally give anyone my last and always go out my way to help people, especially him.

Am I overreacting? Or is he simply taking the piss out of me?

No, you're not overreacting.

What are your circumstances and what do you want to do about him?

It's a horrible way to live, where you're on tenterhooks in case he drinks or messes about with other women.

Can you imagine a life without him? Could you manage financially? It's always good to plan for a future without someone like this, even if you take some time to go through with a separation.

Thank you @Nanny0gg and @HollowTalk

I could manage myself financially but I do really love him and just can't imagine my life without him. I tell myself every time he messes up, this is the last chance then he's out. But I physically can't do it. I just keep putting up with it. I wish I was a strong person I really do

He won't change. So you have a choice, either continue putting up with this or kick him out. You say you won't end it with him so this will be your life going forward. Is that really what you want?

Oh I've been there OP. Eventually it'll be a light bulb moment when you realise you actually don't care that he's not come home, or messaged yet another girl, or lied, or broken yet another promise and that'll be your time.

Also, no you're not overreacting 😘.

You physically can end it. You deserve better.

He likes to think he is still a Jack the Lad, and isn't taking his family responsibilities seriously. I don't know what to suggest really, but to be honest he needs a monumental bollocking.

Don't put up with this shit. He'll never change , he doesn't need to does he ? Because you let him get away with treating you like crap.
Dig deep , you say you're young - do you want this to be your life ?

Thanks so much everyone for the replies. I know deep down I need to end it but feel I can't. I ended it a few years ago and I was a wreck, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, packed his bags then he came running back and things were "good" again for a while until the next time.

I think because I am overweight I have lost all my confidence in myself and think no1 will want me again, have lost a lot of friends due to lockdown, so I would be truly alone.

Could I cope with seeing him move on with his life? Meeting someone else and being happy? The answer is no I don't think I could.

But at the same time deep down I know I deserve better than this.

You might as well give up asking him not to drink etc, as he's made it clear he's not changing.

Perhaps you should start working on the other things that are bringing down your confidence, if you're not ready to take the step of getting shot of the biggest one (him).

Can you start reconnecting with friends you've lost touch with?
Maybe start exercising and working on making yourself feel good about the way you look?
Start treating yourself like you would a friend, tell yourself nice things about yourself, give yourself credit, focus on the things you're good at.

but I do really love him

But clearly you have no love for yourself. Why not?

You're not going to change him and you're not ready to go and I get that, especially when his behaviour has trampled your self esteem. For now could you take a step back, try not to react to his behaviour, you can't change him, he is who he is. Not sayings it's ok in any way, but trying to change his behaviour is hurting you.

Focus on you. What do you need to rebuild your self esteem? What would help you to step back from trying to fix things? Work out what you need and focus on taking little steps to get there. Treat yourself kindly, as you would a close friend.

I think because I am overweight I have lost all my confidence in myself and think no1 will want me again, have lost a lot of friends due to lockdown, so I would be truly alone

Do you think that all overweight people deserve relationships where their feelings are minimised/ignored, or just you?