They're meeting them today

[DragMeOutOfIt]

So... my children are meeting their dads new girlfriend and her kids today. We split 6 months ago, and in that time he's only seen them one afternoon a week. I do all of the full time parenting, all the day to day stuff, and now that they all meet I'm worried they'll want to spend all weekend every weekend with them. Now he's not keeping them separate he will want to see them more. I feel like I'll just be plain old mum and he gets all the fun. Her children are exactly the same age and gender as mine (4 & 8). I want them to be happy, of course I do. But they're so excited. He was emotionally abusive and I am so glad I'm out of it. But it hurts... tell me it gets easier.

Hopeful bump

6 months since split & he is already introducing another gf & kids - red flag

Why is your time with them not fun & you see this as him getting to have all the fun? It sounds like your kids might have fun playing with hers sure.

But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to have fun when they are with you!

Can I ask was he generally a disengaged father? How much active parenting does he do? This screams of wanting to involve another woman ASAP who will presumably help him take care of the kids on his time

Now her kids get to provide the entertainment & he won’t have to!

In general when lazy fathers have a GF you can at least have an extra set of eyes on your children to help keep them them safe & entertained too, if she is a good person she will be trying with them.

Knowing they are safe & having fun when on his time can only be a good thing.

Oh OP, it does get easier with time. My DC are a bit younger than yours and met ExH's girlfriend at Christmas. My two really like her which although on one hand is hard (I hate the thought of them playing happy families whilst I'm the boring one who does the mundane day to day stuff) it's so much better than the alternative of them not liking her and her not liking them. I have to say my fears about being the boring one seem to be unfounded. Although my two are excited to go to ExH's he tells me that they are equally excited to come back to me which I'm sure will be the same with your children

@gutful You've described my ExH exactly above! I used to do everything for my DSD (and then was stupid enough to marry him and have kids of my own with him). ExH has jumped straight into another relationship so there's someone to look after my DC

Oh but plain old mum is exactly what they will want and need! I understand that it's horrible and I say that as the onetime new girlfriend. I remember their mum coming to collect them and asking her to come in for a cup of tea. Even though she wanted out of the marriage I kept thinking how weird it must be for her to see another woman standing in the kitchen with her husband and kids.

Hopefully this girlfriend is nice, there's no reason to think she won't be. She has her own kids and will have some experience of dealing with her own ex and potentially his new partner.

Maybe it will be exciting for your kids initially but believe me, you are their mum and nothing is going to change that. Can you organise a walk or even a glass of wine and leisurely phonecall with a friend while they are away?

It'll get better, it's just the next hurdle to adjust to.

Thank you for replying. Yes he was pretty useless and I did everything for them.

We do have a lot of fun. I just hate that I'm the one that nags them to get ready, do homework, sensible bedtimes. Then dads will just be all fun fun fun. I do much prefer the idea of them liking each other. I suppose it just hurts.

Yes he moved on very quickly. Never wanted them over night but is now wanting them, as you say so she will look after them.

They're engaged already though so I suspect she is as desperate as him for the "proper" family dynamic.

No-one else will ever be Mum.

It is a good thing that she is nice and good to them, they get extra people in their lives that love them.

But even with the boring stuff, you are still Mum. You will always be Mum, and they will always want their mum.

@DragMeOutOfIt the likelihood is this rushed relationship will not last & he will become emotionally abusive to her too.

The worst this is when your kids are sad because they liked her & those kids & they will have left. That will hurt your kids & is a high chance of this happening.

She will realise he is having her do his parenting time

If he is anything like my ex he is having to pretend he wants them to stay the night because me as the girlfriend was questioning where they were! So he had to play up wanting to have them over.

They are engaged & don’t even know each other. This will all go pear shaped and it is you your kids will cry to & left picking up the pieces

He sounds like a real “C”

No responsible parent introduces a partner so soon at all - let alone 6 months after the family split up.

This has disaster written all over it, not happy families long term.

I'm kind of from the other side, my stepdd would come to us weekends etc. She has 2 half siblings here and only her mum and stepdad at home, she had lots of fun here and home was school etc. She never stopped loving her mum though, she loves spending time with her mum, they're two peas in a pod. They have their ups and downs but all in all they rock along in total comfort together. Stepdd even lived with us for a few years, but the bond with her mum is strong and although stepdd and I get along great, we love each other, I'm not her mum and have never tried to be. It's hard at the start but you'll be fine. Whether they'll last is another thing; they might, they might not.

Spending all weekend every weekend with them isn’t an option, as you need half the weekend time to do fun stuff with them yourself.

Oh missed that bit! Yes OP you need to get your weekend time with the kids too!

Cripes he moved on very quickly, poor new woman hasn't seen the real him yet. Anyway, you will forever their mum and will love coming back to you. I know its a bit raw for you at the moment but one day when he has them more you will start to really enjoy your child free time and even enjoy a bit of dating in that time. Its too soon for you I am sure to think that but that is what naturally happens in a lot of situations.